the zombie next door

Seal

*TRIGGER WARNING: TALK OF SUICIDE*

people that saw me run into the bathroom quickly came over. there was no use i had locked the door so no one could enter. i heard the knocks and a symphony of voices asking me to come out. one stuck out to me. as the other voices were silent principle Lee's voice powered through the door. "Come out sweetie, we need to see you in the office". 

i slowly unlocked the door. cracking it open i could see principle Lee front and center. i opened the door just enough for me to squeeze out. i followed her to the office. there was a crowd of people walking behind us, thankfully shielding me from any other prying eyes. when we reached our destination the students dispersed leaving just me and principle Lee. she shut the door behind us. "so Zeo what appears to be going on". i then proceeded to tell her everything i could without sacrificing my dignity. she seemed like she understood and gave me a shallow promise that everything would be dealt with. she had called my mom and i was dismissed from school early, again. 

mom had the same disappointed look she's had for the past couple of weeks on her face. i didn't know how i could apologize to her. not just yet. i just wanted to go home after the day i'd had. i didn't know who had put the pictures up or who could have taken them. it couldn't have been Zed because he was a little "occupied" when they were took. so my first suspect was Addison. who knew the "perfect" cheerleader was a flaming bitch. 

when i got home i went straight to my room. that was my safe place now. a place where no one could harm me. no one could taunt me. it was just me left to my lonesome. in the heat of the moment i sat down with a pen and paper writing letters to Zed and my mother. i hadn't decided why but it felt like the thing to do. 

"dear Zed, 

i thought you were my everything. i spent years watching you from afar, hoping one day you'd be mine. even if i got to spend one afternoon with you or the rest of my life. i would've been satisfied with either. to just listen to you speak or watch a smile appear on your face was enough to make me giddy. i loved you for who you were, when we were little and even now. after you humiliated me, took advantage of me. you have the only piece of me i'm leaving. you have my heart and hopefully when i'm gone you'll learn to cherish it. if not for me but learn how to treat the others that come after me. i have no idea if i meant anything to you but in the end you were my everything. you were the sun, the moon, the planets, the galaxy. you were my reason for waking up and going to bed. knowing i could see your face and hear your laugh was enough. you were enough even when you didn't talk to me. you were enough on your bad days. and you were enough when you left me. i wish you were enough to make me stay now. but i've decided. i am no more use to anyone or anything. my body is just taking up space in a cruel world i no longer want to be apart of. please take care of your sister for me. there's so many things i wish i could've said to you when we had time. but life cuts everything short. i have and will always love you with all of my heart but i can't keep moving on like this. my life is empty, i've changed and when i look into the mirror i don't recognize who's looking back. how i wish things were different but please remember to always be yourself. don't loose the light in your eyes, the shine to your smile, and the warmth of your laugh. 

-with much love, 

Zeo" 

the words just fell onto the paper. i hadn't known how set in stone this was until i saw it in writing. the weight of the world felt like it had lifted off of my shoulders. my mom would be devastated but she wouldn't stop living. she would suffer through. she would get over it with time. i hoped Zed would care but even if he didn't i wasn't bothered. i had made up my mind. all that was left to do was seal the letters.