the zombie next door

Composure

*Zed's perspective*

i sat down trying to keep my composure. with a pen in my hand i began writing.

 "dear Zeo, 

i hope this letter finds you when you need it most. i don't believe i'll give it to you because i don't want to burden you any further. my life has been complicated since that first day at Seabrook. i found the girl that i thought i was going to marry. i was opening new doors and closing old ones behind me. i got so caught up in being perfect for her i lost sight of who i really was. if i am a monster so be it. but all i wanted was a life i could call my own and that started at Seabrook High. that was until you spoke to me. in the first time in 10 years you spoke to me. i missed you Zeo, in a way i never realized. after i kissed you i realized what i had been missing. all of the days i spent thinking about you. wondering what you were doing. looking out my window hoping you'd be looking back. a part of my heart wishing you'd be staring back at me. but you never were. it wasn't until i heard the conformation from your lips i was convinced. you never let onto the fact you loved me or even came close. i was more convinced you hated me. but Zeo i love you. i love you on your bad days, your good days, and everything in-between. i love your smile, your laugh, your charm. you're the other half of me. you're smart and caring. everything i'm just not. i not only love you but look up to you. i want you. every part of you. the good and the bad. what saddens me most is that i know i don't deserve you. i don't deserve your beautiful face and your excellent composure. your faith and your strength. i don't deserve to see your smile or the light shine in your eyes. i've done nothing but corrupt you and your innocence. i want you to know this was never a game. i love you. i always have and always will. Addison was and is the mastermind behind everything you've seen. she convinced me to get back together with her after i slept with you. some how and some way she knew what had happened. she threatened to expose you and me if i didn't comply with her. which that combined with everything else that had been going on i don't blame you for your suspicions. i never wanted you to feel worthless because to me you're priceless. i want nothing more than to push my way into your life. to be the man you want, be the man you need. but you don't need me in your life. you've been fine up until now. the picture of perfection. Zeo just know i am deeply sorry for everything. i'll love you until the day i die. a punishment for me worse than death.

-Zed" 

i sealed up the letter scribbling my name on the front. the pie i had tried to give her over break didn't seem to convey my apology as i'd hoped. i went to bed ready to give her the letter tomorrow. 

as i walked into school my jaw hit the floor. the pictures Addison had blackmailed me with were sprawled across the entire school. Zeo was nowhere to be found. i had looked and looked. my heart sank in my chest leaving nothing but emptiness. i feared what i would do to Addison if i saw her. so i kept my distance. i wanted to call Zeo or go home. but neither were an option while i was at school. so i patiently waited. 

as soon as the bell rang i ran home. throwing my things on my bedroom floor not worrying about the mess. she was the only thing on my mind. she hadn't left it since that morning. or since that night on her couch. i looked over to the window. i saw her and that's when i realized. that this, all of this shit. it was my fault. i didn't deserve to go see her. i didn't even deserve to be looking at her. she didn't need me anymore. as much as i could apologize nothing would ever makeup for this. a line had been crossed. 

i went to bed with tears in my eyes playing our conversations over and over in my head. my alarm had rang signaling for me to get up. i looked over to Zeo's room and her light wasn't on. i figured she had already left for school. it was very unlike her to miss school and i doubt she'd miss today even after what had happened yesterday. 

i had suffered through my first 2 periods of the day when i walked into 3rd. i saw Addison's seat left empty due to her suspension and i hopefully looked over to Zeo's seat. she wasn't there either. a gut feeling told me to go to her. it was something i couldn't explain. i took one look at the teacher and walked out in a hurry. in the empty hallway i smashed my zband against a locker. i needed all the help i could get to reach her fast. i sprinted through Seabrook all the way to Zombietown. i wasn't worried about eating brains or sniffing out the nearest human. all i was worried about was her. 

reaching her house i tore down her front door. my adrenaline was racing my chest rose and fell faster than i could think. i found my way to her room. for a moment i thought i had done all of this for nothing. that she had just overslept for school. that's when i saw the pill bottle on her vanity. that's when i lurched forward picking her up. screaming "NO, ZEO YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME, NOT LIKE THIS."