Muffled words

30

Clay's POV

I knew that I'd go back into the kitchen soon. Knew that I needed to with George; find something to do or to watch— basically just make sure he didn't fall apart again. But I'd had to leave the room, unsure how to cope with such desperation taking me over in such short time.

My mind again went over the way I asked him- yesterday, today- and the way he had just sat and ignored me. Of course, it wasn't that simple, I'm not an idiot; George was clearly confused, or scared, or anxious- perfectly understandable so it wasn't like I was upset at him for it. It was just painful to try so hard and get no results, and I wasn't sure how I was meant to cope. I really wanted him to feel like he could trust me.
I didn't want him to think I'd run off whenever it got too complicated, or too sad. Of course at that time it probably seemed like that's what I had done, which sucked, but both my mind and body had quickly become heavily overwhelmed.

But George didn't know that..so what would he be thinking?

Was he downstairs, crying his eyes out for an unbearable feeling I gave him? Was he on the verge of another break down, because I was too self-absorbed to realise that this was all my fault? Did he feel like he'd been betrayed? Like he was alone?
I didn't know.

So what would I do??

I didn't know.

I slid to the floor of my room, pressing my palm against my chest and desperately attempting to take deeper breaths. My heart beat was gradually speeding up and I groaned, hiding my face in shaking hands. Tears still streamed steadily from my eyes despite how I wiped at them angrily, trying to keep myself calm while simultaneously crying constantly.
But tears slipped through my fingers, and down my chest, as thoughts I'd shoved to the back of my mind grew louder and my heart pounded in my ears. I wasn't so much anxious as I was frustrated, and trying to stop myself from crying as I fell apart only agitated me more.

"Fuck", I groaned, digging my nails into my palm to try and gain some kind of balance. It didn't work, of course, but I now had at least one thought in my mind to try and help myself get to a better state- that I needed some sort of stability.

I held my hands out in front of me and watched them shake with teary eyes, focusing as much as I could on their slight movement with the knot of panic I had tying at the base of my stomach. Ignoring the ache in my head and heart I took the longest breath manageable, closing my eyes firmly.

It's still not okay.

"Dream?"
I jumped harshly, shooting my head up towards the door and rushing to wipe my face. Nick stood there watching me, biting his lip with his hands in his pockets. "You okay dude?" I tried to say yes but my voice failed me, breaking and catching in my throat like a pill too big to swallow. I ended up sobbing slightly, bringing my hands back to my face as I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. "Shit man, wait-" he crouched down beside me, wrapping an arm over my shoulders and frowning.
"No, Sap its fine, don't-"
"Dude shut up and let me help you." He stared down at me, eyes stern, and when I peeked up at him I couldn't help but laugh despite myself.
"You're such an idiot," I whisper, smiling, "thank you."

He had broken the pattern just by looking at me- something only fucking Sapnap could do. He knew I tried to avoid demonstrating too much emotional vulnerability, but also that I had the sensitivity level of a toddler on the verge of a tantrum. It'd never been that great a combination, to be honest, though as long as I'd had him there to help me I was okay. So now that I got the voice I needed laughing at me everything was pretty much fine.

Best friends are some crazy shii.

Anyway, I stopped crying, gave him a short hug and stood up, brushing dust off my jeans. Nick patted my shoulder gently then left, presumably going back down to his room.

I didn't hear him make any kind of conversation with George- which was probably a good thing, considering everything that had been happening recently. But I still had to go downstairs and look after him. Because no matter how difficult it'd been,

I did still love him.

___

George's POV

I was trying as hard as I could to stay calm sat in the kitchen, the only real problem being tears stinging the backs of my eyes. Guilt flooded over my body in harsh waves, flowing through my mind as I stared into the space Clay used to be. I was frozen sitting where I was, shaking slightly as I remembered over and over how he had looked with tears running down his face. I felt awful.

How dare I be so cruel to him. How dare I make him feel so clearly terrible. And then after all of it, when he finally got himself to leave me as alone as deserved to be, I thought I had the right to let myself wallow-
"You okay?"

...

I lifted my eyes to see him stood at the bottom of the stairs, head slightly tilted. He had an attempted half-smile on his face, fingers by his side and tapping nervously against his leg. The light from the lamp beside me reflected in his eyes, catching my attention; and continuing to study his face, I saw the slight dimple in his left cheek, not completely evident with his expression. He looked gorgeous.

My heart melted.

I jumped off the side, running to him and wrapping my arms around his neck. I felt him hesitate in shock to hug me back, a short sound of surprise clear in my ear making me laugh breathlessly. He's so beautiful. I pulled back slightly, forgetting my nerves and my worries and my fears. I stared into his gorgeous face, moving my hands to hold freckled cheeks gently. They felt hot against my fingertips. His lips were slightly open, his eyes searching mine desperately for some kind of answers.

So I pulled his face forward, closed my eyes, and pressed our lips together.

Warmth instantly flowed through my body, my stomach exploding at the realisation of him kissing back almost immediately, tightening his arms around my waist and lifting me up onto my toes. My hand went to soft blonde hair and I let the beautiful feeling take me over, ignoring every doubt I'd been having for the past month and giving all of my energy to him. To his lips and face, to his heart and soul, to his body and mind. His skin was soft and warm, my heart beating faster as we grew only closer every second. We had yearned for each other so long, our hearts glowing at our desperate need finally being fulfilled.
After so long of having this terribly constant anxiety, I had melted completely into his touch and we were one. We were together; we were happy.

My eyebrows furrowed as we pulled away, both panting slightly and staring into the other's wide eyes. He didn't loosen his grip around me, in fact pulling me closer into a sudden tight embrace. My head rested on his shoulder, my eyes fluttering closed in the uninterruptible comfort resting in the base of my heart.

It was heaven.

It was truth.

It was Dream.

(1299 words)

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