𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞 | ✔

ᴛʜɪʀᴛʏ ɴɪɴᴇ

i skipped lunch writing this cause i was 😢😩🙋‍♀️🤛 I cried rn editing this

Without further adieu, here is the next chapter...

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

DEVI BHATT

The warm feeling of the sun on my face brings me a heavenly feeling of comfort I feel blessed to wake up to. I roll over burying my face into my pillow and stretching my arm out to feel for the other human.

It's an empty space, causing me to remember last night.

Grisha lights a candle, setting it on my bedside table. I stare at him and complete each movement with fluidity as I sit against the headboard. The glow of the flame lights up the room bringing me some ease. I reach for my water bottle and begin to open my drawer.

His hand stops me.

"What are you doing?" my voice shakes.

"You've had multiple today. Don't have another, you're only going to start relying on it and fuck- it's going to mess you up, Devi."

"I-I can't," I shake my head. "You don't understand how it's been- these are the only thing that works to calm me right now. I've been on constant edge. I don't know how else-"

"I can help you," he says.

"How...how are you going to help me? I feel like a shipwreck," I whisper. "I don't want your help, I just need this."

He pulls the pills out of my drawer, holding them far from my reach.

"You don't even have water with you. Are you just swallowing them dry?" he asks in disbelief.

"I don't need the water," I say firmly. "Pass them over."

"Or what?" He says.

"Why are you doing this?" I cry. "Just give me the damn bottle, I only want one."

"I'm doing this because I care, I fucking care about you Devi. I'm not just going to fucking watch you spiral out of control when all the blame is on me." He kneels on the ground before my bed, "Just let me help you."

His eyes are staring right through me. I'm starting a tornado of emotions between us. I feel his hand tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"What happened wasn't your fault," I say quietly. "But I don't want your help- I just want those."

I don't think I deserve his help.

Everything in his eyes just shatters as if his irises were made of glass. All the shards crash to the ground and I feel his sigh. His sigh felt like I was being ripped open slowly with a chainsaw.

"I'm sorry," I choke as he pulls away.

My chest tightens. I'm not sure what hurts more, the feeling of not having any pathway to relief or the feeling of him getting further and further away from me each second

I don't think I've ever felt the weight of loneliness until now.

The house is silent. I trudge out of my bed after barely sleeping and by impulse my hand finds the empty drawer. Frustration claws against my brain but I try to remind myself the mornings are when I don't need it.

When I'm in the kitchen, Grisha is sitting on the island drinking a mug of what I'm guessing is coffee. My hands are clammy and keep going up around my neck as I make a scrambled egg in the silence. He doesn't say anything, making guilt wreck my brain. I frown down at my egg as I sit across from him, eating.