𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞 | ✔

sixty one

must clarify that the scream at the end of the last chapter was not in the present time, it was still the flashback/nightmare and the scream was Devi waking up/in the simulation so she wasn't screaming irl. sorry if it wasn't clear enough!!

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

without further adieu, I present to you the next chapter...

DEVI BHATT

There's a certain numbness you feel after you've seen and experienced everything. I thought I had, until last night–an indescribable, excruciating pain overtook me, sending me right to Giovanni's doctor.

I want a new body. This one is too ruined, dirty, tainted. Used. I feel like tattered pieces of cloth, never to be stitched up and feel fully whole again.

"Unfortunately you have HSV-2, more commonly known as–"

"I know what it's more commonly known as you don't need to say it," I interrupt, not wanting to hear her say anything else.

Her gaze softens. "It's common after sexual assault to feel these kind of emotions of embarrassment and disgust, and I know this infection isn't making it any easier. It's important for you to know that it wasn't your fault and what he gave you should not affect your self-perception in any way. This is a common se–"

I shut my eyes when she says it, wanting to collapse into myself and never emerge again.

Sexually transmitted infection.

"I'm going to prescribe you antiviral medicine and cream for the pain as you might already know. But if the symptoms do worsen drastically or don't seem to be going after two weeks don't hesitate to ring me," she tells me, still smiling at me encouragingly.

Staring at the heart monitor which beeps in the background of our conversation, I nod. "Okay."

"It can only get better from here, Miss Bhatt. I can recommend some women's group counselling–"

"No, no, I'm fine really," I shake my head, interrupting her again. I return her smile. My mind hurts with the amount of effort it takes.

She frowns. "It really isn't fine honey, and I've heard too many people say that whilst suffering inside to know it's a lie."

I smile wider, feeling my dry skin stretch. "I would like to be alone now, so when you leave do you mind telling them that?"

It was rude, I know, but I didn't want that conversation after she told me I had contracted fucking genital herpes.

When I look at the clock it's six in the morning. The sun has fully risen and is shining blindingly through the window perpendicular to me, the rays making the marble floor glow. Silence surrounds me. All I hear is the heart monitor.

My emotions are hanging by the ledge– I'm tempted to let go, and give into the unfeeling nature. I inhale, I exhale. I stare at the walls, taking in every inch of the white paint as my eyes burn. I listen to the sound of the clock ticking by and the beeping sound. My mouth is dry, but the taste of my tears still remains.

My heart beats. My organs still function. My brain is alive. That is my whole existence.

I feel time breeze by, it's an illusionary feeling.

The cold nips at my skin as I stay motionless in this bed. Moving, even just an inch, seems tiring. Successfully ignoring the pain in my body, I realise that Thomas has officially made his mark on me. It seems escaping him is inevitable now.