We're Each Other's Querencia

Chapter 1

"You didn't lose anything, I did! I did!" Arizona screamed cracking her voice while Callie looked at her with disbelief, her eyes were red as tears continue to stream down her cheeks.

"I didn't lose anything?? I DIDN'T LOSE ANYTHING?!!" She shouted immediately raising both eyebrows with mouth slightly gaping. "I lost Mark! My best friend! Sofia's Father!" emphasizing each word. "And along the way, I lost the Arizona I married! and now I am starting to lose my family! the happy family we once had!!" Callie added with quivering lips.

As shock as she is, Arizona stood there and shook her head as she tried to open her mouth but no words came out of it. "You're right, I was not on the plane, I didn't heard all of you screaming out of pain! I am not dismissing your experience but I suffered too!! Every second felt like eternity after we heard your plane crashed! It caused me anxiety and I couldn't sleep because I am afraid that I'd lose both of the most important people in my life!!" Callie yelled, really trying her best to not let her anger cloud her judgment after Arizona expressed her anger on her, digesting each word. But she is drowning with all of her emotions and there still a lot of things needed to be said. She needed Arizona to understand that her decision was for the blonde to live. "What? did you cheat on me because-because I cut off your leg to SAVE YOUR LIFE?!!" narrowing her eyes, trying to understand what made the blonde to hurt her like this.

"Wha-NO!" Arizona sternly answered scrunching her eyebrows together, but Callie hastily spoke and not leaving Arizona to speak. "Then WHY?! BECAUSE I DID NOT DESERVE WHAT YOU DID TO ME ARIZONA! a-a-after months of putting up with you, understanding you! fo-for loving and supporting you unconditionally!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND! I was there for you through your darkest time, Arizona! I WAS THERE! and-and you weren't there when I needed you the most! when-" Callie whimpered in misery as her mind replays what her heart can't delete, filling her lungs with as much as she could before speaking again. "When I was sitting there and holding Mark's hand, WAITING FOR HIM TO DIE!" hot tears come flooding down her cheeks while her hand movements match every words "What? do-do I need to go ride a shitty plane and crash it on purpose to understand why??! So that you can cut off my leg too o-or any limb on my body!! WILL THAT BE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND MY DECISION?! because I'll do it! I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR MY WIFE! ALL FOR YOU!! DO ANYTHING FOR ARIZONA BECAUSE SHE IS MY WIFE!!" jaw clenched and it's getting hard for Callie to breathe.

Eyebrows furrowed upwards as Arizona's lips curled downwards. She did feel bad about what she done to Callie and for shouting things she didn't mean to say. Word wounds, she knows, never heal easily. And yet, she let her wife lash out all the heavy pain because she knows that she hadn't been fair to her. And even though the woman in front of her is fuming mad, she still finds her beautiful. Her beautiful Calliope.

"Any doctor who was in the same fucking situation I was would've made the same decision I did! BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!! Sofia already lost her Dad! and I don't want her to lose her other mother!! And my heart cannot bear the pain if I lost you, Arizona!" It's weird how you can actually feel the pain on your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings Callie thought to herself, her throat is starting to hurt and her voice is getting hoarsely for all the shouting. She inhale and swallowed before speaking again as she gently shake her head sideways. "I never once blamed you for putting Sofia and my life in danger" she started as she starred at the blonde's electric blue-almost sapphire eyes, seeing the tears gloss it even though the place is dark. She knows what she's starting. "I never blamed you for not looking on the road and crashed the car BECAUSE I KNOW YOU NEVER MEANT ANY OF IT TO HAPPEN! BECAUSE I KNOW IT WAS NEVER YOUR INTENTION TO HURT ME AND PUT MY LIFE IN DANGER! And yet here you are screaming at me about the plane crash and for cutting off your leg like it was my fault that I was not on the freaking plane and that it crashed!!" Arizona winced and whimpered at what Callie said, this is shattering her heart like a glass.

"I'm sorry, Callie-Please, I" Arizona paused as she try to pick the right words, unconsciously licking her lips. "Calliope, I-" she paused again as she inhale, obviously don't know how to explain what she did. Callie furrowed her eyes at the woman, feeling the burning pain in her heart. "Nu-uh, you don't get to Calliope me! cutting off your leg was not a mistake and I will do it all over again if it comes down to your life or your leg! It's a decision that I will never regret because my heart would never survive if you died!" Callie sternly start "But what you did?! screwing that Boswell woman?! it's clearly not a mistake! It was your decision! your choice! You did that! YOU CHOSE TO HAVE SEX WITH HER!" voice starting to rise up again as Callie points her fingers then she dryly chuckle. "I would've understand if what you did was a drunk mistake! But no! You are not drunk nor was she! You know what's happening, you know what you're doing AND YET YOU DIDN'T STOPPED!!" Callie shouted with all the energy left on her body, her hands balled into fist-nails dugged into her palms, ripping the skin. She slowly drag her hands on to the the navy blue scrub top she is wearing, soaked with her tears. She lays her hands on her chest, deeply pushing it repeatedly, trying to relieve some of the pain her heart is feeling. "I-if I hadn't cut you leg off you'd be d-dead. We wouldn't even having this argument, you wouldn't even had c-cheated on me! And I wouldn't be in this place suffering on this pain!" she finish with weak quivering voice as she tries to keep her balance. Hands are now on her stomach as she sobs silently and painfully, dropping on her knees as her tears blurs her vision.

Arizona run dropped to her knees as she holds the other woman. Callie wiped her tears as she calms down. After the outburst, she don't know what to feel anymore. Her eyes are empty and tired as she looked to her wife's blue eyes, once filled with sparks and warmth. Those pretty eyes she loved that burns like the hottest fire, sparkling from the inside out-were gone. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, standing up and walked away. Leaving her wife on her knees.