Before My Withering [枯萎之前]

Chapter 32

[This time you said to go together, somewhere, just you and me]

Xiao Fei had written 112 letters for me, probably out of boredom when he was pregnant. His personal relationships were very simple, and few of his old friends were mostly related to Song Zhiqian. I was reluctant to get in touch with them, so I was unable to inquire about his life.

I believe he was a straightforward yet sober, polite and tolerant individual. If we had lived in the same timeframe, I would have grown to like him.

Too bad I've never met him.

Zhou Chen asked me where he should put the cello when we got home. I asked whether there was a storage area where the temperature and humidity could be controlled. He gave me a puzzled look and inquired, "Don't you use this cello?"

"I have something you gave me," I said rashly.

Then I suddenly felt uncertain. "It was given to me, not lent... right?"

He smiled. "I don't understand musical instruments. Of course it's for you."

Zhou Chen seemed to be in a good mood today. Although the Qi family had caused a disturbance, it somehow didn't seem to affect him.

He was happy, so I was, too. I unconsciously hummed a song as I squatted on the ground to clean up the letter box.

I will be brave.

I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me

Zhou Chen, who returned after storing the cello, heard me singing this passage.

Because it had to fit the tone of the cello, the timbre of my performance at the graduation celebration was adjusted to be relaxing and quiet. I unintentionally returned to its previous brisk tone as I hummed to myself.

He approached me and rubbed the top of my head. "It's late; don't you want to go to bed?"

A dozen letters were strewn across the carpet, some open, others closed. As I approached closer, I watched Zhou Chen's look change to one of uneasiness.

"It's fine, it's not a secret," I said. "Do you wanna see it?"

He hesitated a little. "It's written for you, I won't read it."

Then he leaned over to help me put the scattered letters into the box. "Clean up tomorrow. Go to bed."

"Doc," The atmosphere was so relaxed that a bad idea formed in my head. Grabbing his hand, I asked, "How was my performance today?"

He pretended to be serious, but smiled as he replied, "Mood is steady, and there is no bad response. It's all great."

According to Zhou Chen, my temporary memory confusion was caused by my dread of reality, therefore my body turned off my senses as a protective mechanism.

It's pointless to attempt to flee if I want to improve. I need to learn to confront reality and accept what has happened in the past.

And everything of my history had one thing in common: Qi Shu.

So these past days, he would accompany me to treatment; from name to voice to picture, slowly desensitizing me bit by bit. It was very difficult at first. The rejection ingrained in my bones made me resist it instinctively. When I was in a bad state, I even unconsciously wanted to relieve my psychological pain through physical pain.

Zhou Chen did not stop me, but one time when I was absent-minded, my arm was replaced by his. So that one time after I scratched his flesh, I suddenly realized that I could no longer hurt myself or Zhou Chen again.