Before My Withering [枯萎之前]

Chapter 26

It was like I went back to the days when I'd been tortured by the gland.

Insomnia, heart palpitations, vomiting, and fainting frequently.

Whenever my mind would wander, I'd have this thought where all these past few months were just a dream. There was no Wen Ziqing, no Zhou Chen, no Wen Yan; after I woke up, I'd go to school and find Xu Xingze for dinner, and then head home to wait for Qi Shu to get off work.

But in my dream, I'd often see a rose garden. Under the afternoon sunlight, one man would sit on the bench playing the cello, while the other with scissors fiddled with the roses in the garden. He was clearly doing the work of a gardener, yet he had the elegance of an artist.

I couldn't see their faces, but I could feel that they were happy and at peace.

When I opened my eyes, I saw a different person.

Sometimes I'd recognize him, sometimes I don't.

Whenever I'd recognize him, I'd beg him to let me go, and went crazy trying to get away.

When I didn't know him, I asked him if he knew a place called Sunset Lane, where there was a gentleman waiting for me, and if he could give me a ride back.

He asked me who the gentleman was.

I ignorantly shook my head and said I couldn't remember.

He thrashed a lot of things in anger, then pointed to me how I couldn't even remember the name yet I still wanted to go back.

"What good thing do you think is he? He only fancied you because you are in my bed!" he hurled a stream of all kinds of abuse.

I felt inexplicably sad and said through my tears that it was not so.

Panic-stricken, he came up to hug me and also wiped my tears.

But as soon as he touched me, the cells all over my body began to ache.

Pain was also good. Pain would make me clear-headed for a moment.

I said a lot of things to him, saying whatever came to mind, because I was afraid that if I didn't say anything else, I wouldn't even have the opportunity again.

"Qi Shu," I called his name, "I might be dying... They said that people will recall all the good things in their lives before they die, but I have thought about you for a long time, yet only two things have made me happy over these years."

"...One is when I fell in love with you, the other is when I fell out of love with you."

"Don't tell him if I die, I don't want him to have a hard time."

"And don't feel sad, you're not supposed to be like this..."

"......Actually, I-I am very easily satisfied. Watch fireworks with me in summer, build a snowman with me in winter, and I can be happy for a whole year.... But you never did."

"You don't love me, I don't blame you, I'm just somewhat.....regretful."

"About the child...... Please don't blame me, I did all I could... If you want to, there will be many in the future. If I gave birth to someone like me, you won't like it... "

............

I was too exhausted to talk, so I spoke in an unhurried manner.

He held me from start till end. I couldn't see what he looked like, but I could feel his shoulders trembling.