𝐈𝐟 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐖𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐝 𝐈𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐲 (𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞☠♥)

Chapter 1: How Do I Explain?

TW: Slight self harm! (It's not heavily mentioned)  

    It's been weeks; almost a month since the crew had defeated Vecna, taking their last victory. Everyone seemed to be recovering; after all they were still kids and having to witness a world filled entirely with nightmares was a lot for anyone really, but they were beginning to get over it. However, Eddie was the only one who seemed to be falling off the rails. Though, everyone has been a little, but not as much as him. He couldn't help but worry that something was still out there. It wasn't the cops, the case about him killing Chrissy was dropped, and he was pronounced not guilty, and it wasn't Jason and his gang of Christian moms, it was the monsters. Eddie was there for the defeat so how could he still think they existed? Truly, he didn't know. Maybe it was how terribly it scared him. Vecna's face forever burned into his memory and the gut-wrenching feeling of bats sinking their teeth in his stomach.

   His first reality check already passed when he first watched Chrissy get her bones snapped by air, because after that, he was constantly pulling his hair out and barely being able to sleep, but that was over. Now, it was even worse. To be honest, Eddie never really had his life put together completely, but this destroyed everything he built, sending it to the floor for him to try to pick up and build again.

     Luckily, he had an amazing group of friends who cared about him, but he struggled to receive the help he was being given. He was always being told it was going to be okay and that he was safe, but how is that meant to help when he didn't know how other people felt? He would always ask "Is that how you feel?" to himself every time he heard those lines spoken to him. He really wanted to believe that, but how could he believe something he knew could be very well untrue? 

   He was so afraid that he could not leave his trailer. The portal closed with no trace of it every being there after Vecna was dead, but he still could see it every time he dared to look up. People started to notice his absence and started to become even more worried for him. No one expected it to hit him so hard, but it was partly understandable; though as Eddie saw it, no one would ever understand how he felt. Ever. He was constantly shaking and scratching his arms to the point where they bled. He began to get high more often and do harder drugs to try to cure his pain, but nothing ever seemed to make it go away. He would drink until the point where he was beyond drunk. 

   His uncle was barely ever home because he had a full-time job at an auto repair shop which was about 40 minutes away, and when people came to check on Eddie, he never answered the door when he knew who it was. Especially Steve. He never wanted to answer it when it came to him because he did not want him to see him a mess like this because he started becoming more and more attracted to him. Not necessarily started, because his crush began in freshman year of high school. Just the way Steve Harrington flawlessly walked the halls proudly owning the title of "The King." They only had one class together and every minute of it, he would stare dead at him, biting his nails and clicking his pen. It was to the point where some of the girls in his class started to catch on and spread rumors about him. Fortunately, it never got to Steve. But ever since the day he first laid eyes on his perfectly waved brown hair, with his nature-brown puppy eyes, and his beautifully shaped body along with how his clothes always made his curves look so attractive, he couldn't help but accept the fact that he had fallen for the one and only.

    But what he couldn't accept is that Steve wanted to help him. He shouldn't have to baby him because his trying to cope from his trauma, because he felt like if he was never brought into the picture, Steve wouldn't even know he existed, and it didn't seem fair. And it wasn't only that, but every time he came, he brought Robin. Eddie wouldn't necessarily call it jealousy, but a bit of annoyance. If he was going to be therapized, he didn't need two therapists; let alone his high school crush and a random girl he works with. In fact, he didn't even want help. He was sure he was going to figure it out himself, but that plan failed a while ago. He tried nearly all his options, but it was clear he didn't believe he covered everything, which isn't necessarily incorrect, but he wouldn't give up like he did on everything else.