A year to remember

27. Jared

I followed her after the hot tub kiss. She was angry, and rightly so. But she was also drunk and I was worried about her. Plus, I just had to see her after that kiss. 

It had been unexpected, and it had been intense. At first, I was shocked. Her lips were finally on mine but not in the way I had imagined. She had kissed me because of a dare, not because she liked me that way. Yet, all reasoning aside, once the initial shock fell away, I kissed her back...

And wow had it been a kiss. Her lips had pressed firmly against mine for a moment or two before she tasted my lips and nudged my mouth open with her tongue. She had tasted of salt and tequila, smelt of chlorine, soap and shampoo. Her hands were warm and still wet from the hot tub when they cupped my face and tangled themselves in my hair.

I knocked gently on her door, before easing it open slowly. She was pacing back and forth, still dripping wet and only in her bikini. I tried not to look at her body, as attractive as I found her, and focused on her face. She looked worried, annoyed, concerned.

"I'm so sorry," she blurted out.

I laughed. We had kissed and she was apologising to me.  I honestly felt so nervous, but my laugh sounded natural and easy, even to my ears.

"It's okay," I managed to say when I had finished laughing. Her eyes were wide and shocked at my response.

"No, after what you went through on Halloween the last thing you need is another girl kissing you like that."

Finally, the reason why she was so upset dawned on me. She thought I hadn't wanted her to kiss me.

"Don't worry about it, Scar. I'm okay now."

I watched as she turned and paced again, holding her face in her hands.

"No, I should have thought about it." She said, clearly annoyed at herself. "You were rattled for a long time."

She looked at me then, and I saw the pain in her eyes. She was still hurting, probably more so than me. Scarlett had been with me every step of the way, and even when I had tried to hide my vulnerabilities and fears from her, I could see it mirrored in her face now. She had truly seen me, in a way no one else had seen me. My own parents had brushed it off so lightly. A few guys from school who found out had laughed at the absurdity the situation. They all said the same thing 'you were unconscious, so it's not like she could have raped you even if she wanted to' and 'you should consider yourself lucky that you are a guy.'

But the problem was, the drugs had been intended for someone else. That was what sat so uneasily with me and made me feel sick to my stomach every single day, not so much that a girl had tried to take advantage of me. What would have happened to Scarlett? I had only ever cared about Scarlett.

"I'm okay, Scar," I said gently and she finally stopped pacing and watched me, trying to read my face. 

"I swear, I am okay," I repeated, slowly approaching her. "No PTSD here." As I reached her, I took her hands and held them in mine, squeezing them gently. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just let her get to me." Her cheeks were flushed with anger. She had never been more beautiful.

"Yeah, I kinda noticed," I chuckled.  

She laughed gently and I pulled her in for a hug. She fit so easily into my arms. It felt good to hug her like this, it was easy and natural. It made it slightly easier to have our near-naked bodies pressed up against one another.

"I am sorry I kissed you though. I shouldn't have done that." She said quietly, breathing the words into my chest and I forced even muscle in my body to remain relaxed and to keep breathing steadily as she continued with words that felt like a dagger to my heart. "We are friends. We are best friends."

"Yes, you're my best friend, Scar." I breathed against her hair and my breath sounded the tiniest bit shaky. So I resorted to my normal, joking ways.. out of habit? Out of self preservation? Whatever it was, I couldn't tell her how I really felt now. "I promise you can kiss me anytime you like and I won't freak out."

Why did I always have to go to my usual stupid flirtatious charm, instead of just being honest and telling her that I cared for her as more than a friend?

She laughed and pushed me gently away. "I promise I won't kiss you again." 

I had been worried a kiss would blur the line for both of us, but she made it pretty clear we were just friends and it would never happen again.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," I warned her as I turned toward the door, to hide my face as I silently berated myself for being such a coward.