A year to remember

9. Mila

I had stayed with Alyssa most nights since the attack. I knew she wasn't okay, even though she was adamant that she was. I heard her crying in the shower most nights. I watched as she pushed food around her plate, hardly able to eat. Nights were the worst; I started to sleep in the same bed, to keep her company so she knew she was safe. It didn't seem to matter though; she hardly ever slept, tossing and turning all night long. When she did finally fall asleep, she would wake with a sudden start, gasping, like she was coming up for air. She didn't like to talk about it, but I could only imagine the terrifying dreams she was having.

She lived on black coffee, it was the only thing that got her through the long torturous days at school. Well, coffee and Jake. She took an instant liking to him, and who could blame her? He was charming, sexy and had saved her. Jake had joined our group quickly, although I don't think he realised what that really meant. He was nice, almost too nice, to other students. He didn't have the venom the rest of us had, which kept the other students in check. He quite freely mingled with other cliques and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know the other students. All of them. He didn't have the same air of exclusivity as the rest of us. I guess that's just not how it was in Australia. 

I wasn't the only one who noticed this, but I could see the others just didn't seem to care as much as I did. Scarlett was almost as nice as Jake, so he must have been a breath of fresh air for her. Jared was just thrilled to have another guy in our group and the two of them got along better than anyone else. I watched the two of them laughing and goofing around together, both stupidly good looking. I noticed how other people noticed them too. Girls swooned whenever they walked past, even teachers found it difficult to look away. Jake's presence even distracted Jared from hooking up with the cheerleaders all of the time. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen Jared making out with anyone in the hallways since his party. But of everyone under Jake's spell, Alyssa was the worst of them. She was always the one to keep us in check and she should have known better and realised his kindness towards everyone could possibly come with the ultimate price; social suicide. 

I kept my distance from him, as much as I could, and I continued to turn my nose up at the peasants who tried to speak to me. I wasn't willing to pay the price of a potential social usurping, and I was surprised Alyssa was allowing it. But the guy did save her, so I guess that meant he got a free pass. For now. 

I had been bullied in middle school for having darker skin than my peers. My mother was German, my father African American. Being bullied was traumatising and even though I had changed schools, instead my mother give me a total transformation, so when I started here in freshman year, I could rebrand myself as beautiful and rich, just like Alyssa, Jared and Scarlett. But even to this day, I still carried the anxiety from years of bullying around with me. Now, I was the 'acceptable' version of a black girl. I knew I was afforded luxuries in life that other black people weren't because of my parents individual successes in their lives and careers. Everyone new that my father was successful lawyer in the city and my mother had been a supermodel. Still, it hurt me deeply, having to always conform to what the world decided was acceptable. It was hard to truly love myself when others couldn't.  

My party was quickly approaching and I had ensured only the most popular cheerleaders and jocks were invited to my party. Not all of them had made the cut, and they knew they had work to do to improve their social standing. I didn't even want to invite Jake, to be perfectly honest, because he was so new and there was still time for him to join in with the other jocks instead of our elite clique, but Alyssa had insisted he come. So, I had sucked up to him, and invited him through bared teeth. He said he couldn't commit, but had thanked me sincerely for the invite. Alyssa kept pressuring me to persist. I wished she would just invite him herself, but she said it looked more natural coming from me, as it was my party. Honestly, I think it made me look desperate.

At lunch, we left the cafeteria and sat in the sunshine together, another thing that we only did now because of Jake. He said he missed out on his summer in Australia this year by moving over here, so he was soaking up the last days of sunshine here instead. I think Alyssa had allowed this because on the first day of school, she had invited Jake to come sit with us, and he had almost sat at another table. 

"It's just a table," he had said, looking confused. God, the new boy was so naive. No table was just a table. Where you sat at school was entirely dependent on who you were. So when he had suggested we sit outside, Alyssa had been thrilled. It had moved him well and truly away from the drama club freaks, who all thought they were the next Ryan Gosling or Emma Stone. Puh-lese! If anyone at this school was going to become famous, it would be one of us, not one of those giant losers who either didn't wear makeup, or didn't understand how to match foundation to their skin tone. 

I looked around at my friends as they basked in the sunshine; they all seemed to genuinely enjoy the outdoors. Alyssa was absorbed in a magazine. She tilted her head slightly and her hair cascaded down her back in a silky waterfall of waves and curls. I noticed the way other people watched her. Some even watched me the same way, but no one could quite reach the level of exclusivity that embodied Alyssa Vanderbilt. 

My gaze turned to Scarlett and Jared, who were yet again having some in depth discussion, which I didn't care to join in on. I watched as they talked, Scarlett leaning forward, using her hands to talk passionately about something. Jared closed his eyes beneath his ray-bans and tilted his face up to the sun. He responded in a calm, easy manner, which seemed to irk Scarlett even more. The two were polar opposites; she was studious, passionate, organised and committed to giving her all in every aspect of life. He was carefree, spontaneous, and lived in the moment. The only thing they had in common were their ridiculously good looks and their enormous wealth. It seemed like Jared's favourite hobby these days was to engage Scarlett in long conversations that would challenge her and annoy her. I tried to stay out of their debates the way I tried to stay out of the sun. I didn't feel the need to sweat my makeup off.

I could see Jake approaching from the cafeteria; he looked like he didn't have a care in the world as he approached us. I couldn't help but notice the way Alyssa's eyes lit up at the sight of him.

"Did you see Charlie in the new Calvin Klein campaign," Alyssa asked casually, pushing her phone in front of me. I glanced down at it and there he was; sexy, ripped and wearing nothing but a pair of briefs and a smouldering look. The picture left nothing to the imagination and I flushed deeply at the memory of when that body had been mine. 

"Hmmm," I replied and pushed those thoughts away, along with the magazine. He had a new girlfriend now. Her name was 'Lulu' and I imagined she was as sickly sweet as her name was. The thought of him moving on still hurt me. No matter how many guys I had been with since, none could compare to Charlie. I had tried dating, to find that same connection I had with him, but no one ever came close. 

Funny, it had been almost a year since we had been together, and my heart still longed for him like it was yesterday.