A year to remember

16. Mila

Halloween was hands down my favourite time of the year. Halloween was all about drinking and dressing slutty. Both of which I could do exceptionally well. No big Thanksgiving or Christmas feasts where I had to binge and feel the guilt afterwards as I purged. No expensive gifts to give and feign surprise as I received mine in return; most of which I never liked and would later sell online for the cash instead. I didn't have half the cash that my friends did, so sometimes it was hard to keep up appearances, but I had my secrets. 

We were at Alyssa's mansion for the party tonight. Her home was made of glass and stone, and overlooked the river; it oozed class, elegance and sophistication from every square foot. Her mother was almost never home, so Alyssa didn't stay here often, because she felt alone and exposed in the empty mansion. 

Who could blame her for feeling that way, especially with what she had been though recently. Alyssa had hooked up with Jake at my party, as I knew she would. The night after, Jared, Alyssa and I got drunk again. She had hoped the alcohol had been the reason for her sleeping well, and I had hoped so too. I had slept beside her in bed most nights since the attack as she hadn't wanted to be alone. She tossed and turned, usually waking in a cold sweat. She wouldn't tell me about the dreams she was having, but I could hazard a guess.

After my party, that all changed. She realised that it wasn't the alcohol that helped her sleep, but Jake. So she showed up at his house late one night when his parents were asleep and went up to his room. She said they hadn't hooked up, but that they had lain on his bed, talking for hours. She didn't tell me everything that he told her, she said it wasn't for her to tell, which first all, was very unlike the gossipyAlyssa, and second of all, had me intrigued. She said she had fallen asleep on his bed beside him and slept like a baby. 

So, just like that, I wasn't needed to keep her company anymore. She realised she could only sleep well if Jake was beside her. Part of me was glad that she didn't need me as much. But that part was tiny; hardly even existent. The other part of me felt jealous that Jake was slowly replacing me as her best friend. Sometimes, when she got that distant look in her eye, Jake would give her hand a little squeeze and she would smile, her thoughts coming back to the present. When I tried to comfort her, she would simply say 'I need to find Jake' and leave. I guess I would never truly understand what had happened that night and the connection formed between them because of it.  

I walked into the huge bathroom, all glass and stone; privacy afforded by the second floor height and the greenery outside which normally allowed natural light to filter in. I glanced at myself in the mirror and fixed a stray hair coming out the side of my black nun veil. I wore sheer stockings which had a smooth satin finish and lace top which hugged my upper thighs perfectly. I paired them with sleek black Jimmy Choo pumps and a tiny black lace babydoll outfit. 

I pulled out my phone and took a photo in the mirror, leaning forward to show off some cleavage and biting my lip seductively. I quickly edited the photo on my phone. I added a filter and turned up the brightness slightly. It was ready for my 250,000 followers on Instagram. "1 like for 1 prayer" I captioned it and added a few hashtags; not too many because over three meant you were desperate. I fixed my lipstick as the likes rolled in. Not a chance would I pray for every single one of these likes, that was obviously a joke. 

I walked back out into the party, and for a moment, I could have been an outsider looking in. Alyssa was perched on the edge of the cool stone bar, surrounded by people. She was lifting a drink to her lips, leaning backwards and laughing. Her hair fell down her back in her trademark silky waves and curls, covering her huge, sprawling black feather wings. She was looking toned and stunning in a black lace lingerie set and black Versace pumps. 

I guess I could kind of understood how she could be surrounded by people and still feel so alone here. I glanced around at the fireplace, to the cool cream leather couches, the perfectly stacked bookshelves that lined the walls. The house was filled with expensive Minimalist art pieces which complemented the accents of the earths natural elements; the glass and stone walls, the polished concrete floors. There were sculptures and vases in every room, but still there was something about this place that felt vast, cold and empty. I think it was intended to feel that way; forever empty after the untimely death of Mr Vanderbilt. 

Just then, Jake came in. It was already late and Alyssa was already tipsy. He was dressed as a lumberjack. I assumed he wanted to blend in and look casual and understated, but he was incredibly good looking, so there was no way he could ever just blend in. I had accepted him into our group now, there was no denying his looks were of our calibre. The rest of him remained a mystery though. 

"You're a lumber-jake!" she cried, jumping off the stone bench top and wrapping her arms around him. His hands lingered around her waist, steadying her as they pulled apart. She leaned up to him and pecked him lightly on the lips, her eyes smouldering into his. Everyone could see the sexual chemistry between them. They were a ridiculously good looking couple, even though they didn't call themselves one. Alyssa insisted that neither of them were ready for a relationship. I assumed he was on the rebound and that she was simply playing the waiting game with him. 

Something about their intimacy made me feel suddenly lonely. I took out my phone and scrolled through the thousands of likes that had accumulated in just a few minutes and noticed Charlie's handle was among them. He had a new girlfriend, stupid little sickly sweet Lulu, and yet here he was, liking my half-naked photos. Butterflies flittered in my stomach as I clicked on his profile, scrolling the photos of his handsome face, the landscape pictures he loved to post and finally stopping on the one of his arms draped loosely around his girlfriends waist; someone had captured a real moment, with them looking lovingly at one another and laughing. He looked happy. The loneliness hit me like a wave all over again. 

I closed the app and scrolled to the photos I had taken as I was getting ready. Just heels, stockings and a red lip... nothing else. I toyed with the idea of sending it to Max and telling him to meet me in one of the bedrooms. Although he was nothing serious, he was a nice distraction.

But instead, I sent it to Charlie.