Torn apart | S. Manjirou

69

Have you ever lost someone important in your life?

In my opinion, everyone has. It's not always followed by their death, sure it's common. People can leave you for various reasons.

But why do they do it? Why? Especially when you have done nothing bad to them.

If you think about, what is even the root of evil? Someone's dreams shattering? Losing hopes? Failing at something you were good at?

Does it give you any rights to develop hatred towards the whole world?

Do you ever wonder about criminals' motive? What edges them to commit acts of violence that break the law?

Do you also believe that they're just misunderstood?

For a moment I found myself spacing out in the gloomy office. Life doesn't seem colorful anymore.

Do you believe that everyone deserves happiness?

In the cruel world like ours, in the underground mafia community you don't just deserve it by believing. You have to actually try, to put in the effort, if you want to go further.

Well, we all have tried, right?

Why don't we succeed?

Do we not deserve a happy ending like others?

The thoughts of variety of one's destiny always made me reconsider life choices. One wrong move can cost you your life.

Did Baji also choose the wrong path? Or Shinichiro? Or maybe Emma's kid, who didn't have any option in the first place? Or Hanma, who repented for what he has done? Kaori? Izana? Kisaki?

They all had their goals, they sticked to them to the very end. Do you remember how Baji kissed me on the cheek, trying to make his ex girlfriend jealous? Or how he first gave me his number. And to his death he followed his own thoughts — Keisuke sacrificed himself for the sake of his friends.

I've never really encountered with Shinichiro before, only in that weird cottage by the seaside. Mikey, Emma and Baji told me some things about him decades ago. He would always get rejected by women, he was weak outside but strong-willed inside. He was a nice brother, after all. I can't really speak for him, but from what I heard, I could sense that Shin really cared about Manjirou. His last wish would be to take care of his little brother.

I will never forget my first encounter with Hanma. His cocky smile, teasing — somehow his stupidity managed to win naive girl's heart(for a few hours). The memories of him are still in my head — how him and Kazutora followed me home, how he helped me get Mikey jealous, how he accompanied me on the banquet, and lastly.. how he passed away on my arms. What was his goal? As far as I knew, it was pure amusement.

But how wrong I was. His sadistic ass dropped the value of life, being filled with joy only, and dreamt of having a family.

Izana, Kisaki and Kaori shared similar thoughts. They all drowned in this cruel world, being blinded by the lights of their own desires. Izana wanted to crush Mikey, but as I learnt, he regretted it. Kisaki wanted to be Hinata's lover, but in the end he only got death. Kaori? I seriously don't know, maybe her world revolved around Yuka and her dead child.

But why am I thinking about it just now? Now, that Mikey will hate me forever, knowing that I failed to protect Emma. But I can understand it. He broke his promises as well. He knew I would soften at his actions, but yet still he jumped to my parents' grip, as if nothing else mattered in the world.

Does it make us even? Of course, it doesn't.

I still can't decide my feelings on him. Despite how much I love him, I still have hatred in my heart.