The Stranger on the Train

Chapter 22: Important talk

Pov y/n

She runs one of her hands down my arm until her hand reaches mine and she intertwines our fingers. I watch her as she takes my hand off her body to lead me to the couch.
We sit down, facing each other, our hands staying intertwined. My stomach still does happy flips because of what just happened.
Scar also seems to be excited about it since her cheeks stay lightly blushed and a smile is present on her lips.

"I...that was amazing." She says, trying to find the right words. Since I'm at a loss for words as well, I can't really help her but nod in agreement.

"It was better than I imagined it." I whisper and see a surprised look on her face, realizing what I just said.

"I mean...I was just...not in a creepy way...and..." I shut my mouth, my cheeks flushing red in embarrassment.
Shit, I didn't want to expose myself like this. I keep my eyes low, watching out hands. But when a soft hand places itself under my chin and Scarlett gently tilts my head to look at her, I see nothing bad in her eyes.

"It's okay, no need to be embarrassed about it. And it's not creepy, don't worry. I also thought about it since our almost kiss last week." Scar admits and I smile a little, feeling a bit better about it.

"You have?" I ask, now a little curious what she thought about. She nods and takes her hand away from my face, now that I'm looking at her.

"I don't really know what happened in that moment last week but it felt right and I was ready to kiss you. If we wouldn't have been interrupted, I would have kissed you. I couldn't stop thinking about it the past week because I wasn't sure what it meant. You know, wanting to kiss a woman, wanting it really bad.

It's not because I'm not comfortable with homosexuality, I just never thought about it a lot when it came to me. I never really was attracted to a woman before. Yes, I thought they looked very beautiful and hot but that's it. I've only dated men before, so this was and is something really new for me. Even after a whole week of thinking, I'm not sure, what it meant. Or what this means." She gestures between us and I can hear how lost she feels. I give her hand a little squeeze, which makes her eyes focus on mine.

"It's okay. That you don't know yet, I mean. It's a process and some take longer to come to terms with it and others are faster. But that doesn't say anything about you as a person. There is no rule that says you have to have it figured out until you're twenty or so.

Even if you were sixty and figured it out then, that's still absolutely fine. All that matters is that you are comfortable with it and give yourself time to process and think. It can be scary at first because you're entering a part of yourself you never thought was there but you're not alone. I am here with you and if you want to and let me, I will be here for your journey. And even if it turns out, you're not attracted to women, so be it. No one forces you to have a certain sexuality and you can't control the attraction you feel." I assure her and see her eyes softening at my words.

Her fingers start to play with mine as she lets my words sink in. Her eyes looking down at our hands while she thinks. I give her all the time she needs and just watch her movements, trying to see if there's anything I can do for her.
When she looks back up at me, she has her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing a little on it, a pretty sure sign she is nervous.

"You said it's okay if I figure out that I'm not attracted to women but wouldn't that hurt you? You know, after our kiss...?" She asks, her words carefully chosen and I see concern in her eyes. Real one, that tells me that she is truly worried about it and just the fact that she cares this much about my feelings, makes me fall for her even more.

"It probably would, yes. But as I said, it's not something you choose and if you're not attracted to women, than there's nothing to change that. It will hurt but it wouldn't be the first time I've fallen for someone who is straight. And I know you're not intentionally hurting me feelings, that's all that matters." I tell her and give her a reassuring smile while a tiny ache in my heart makes its presence known.