OUR HEARTBEAT [BEOMJUN] ✅

thirty-five

Tuesday morning, when I was all ready for school, I marched into my mom’s bedroom. I was feeling so emboldened from my declaration to Arin the day before, I figured I might as well continue making declarations.

Mom looked up from where she was making her bed.

“I’m not going to quit,” I announced.

“What?” she asked.

“I like the podcast.”

“Okay,” my mom said.

“And I’m actually good at it. I have fun. Victoria and I work well together. I’ve been working hard for this.” Probably harder than I’d ever worked for anything, I realized. The marina, the lake, that was easy. It came naturally. The podcast was something I’d had to fight for. And there was a satisfaction in that.

“I know you have,” Mom said, looking at me thoughtfully. “I just didn’t want you doing something that was making you unhappy.”

“It’s not. And maybe because of it, I’m going to choose something different someday.”

“Choose something different?” she asked.

“I thought at the beginning of the year that no matter what else I did, I’d always choose the lake. But now … I don’t know. There seem to be more possibilities for the future. I want to try new things.” As much as it killed me to say that out loud because it meant my parents were right, it was the truth. “I’ll always love the lake, and maybe this is where I’ll land in the end. The point is, I’m not sure anymore.”

Mom smiled. “I know. And I’ll always love you. And, Gyu, you can try whatever you want to.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I pointed over my shoulder. “I better go. Don’t want to be late for school.”

On my way out the door, I grabbed my backpack and Jeno followed me to my car. My smile widened when I saw Liz in the back seat.

“I would’ve ridden with my mom,” Liz snapped as Jeno and I got inside, “but she said that she refused to drive me a second day in a row.”

“Are you going to hate me forever?” I asked. “What can I do to make this up to you? I made a mistake.”

She gave a small grunt. For the rest of the trip, she read the Lake Life magazine that she’d picked up off the back seat. When we got to the school she asked, “Have you read this yet?”

“Now you’re going to talk to me?” I asked.
She shook the magazine at me.

“No, I haven’t, so you can’t take it,” I replied.

“Fine.” She plopped it back down and got out of the car. Maybe I should’ve given her the magazine, extended some goodwill, but it was the only thing Yeonjun had ever given me.

Jeno and Liz walked off together, and I saw Arin and Yeonjun standing by his car. Really? She was already in the lead? Well, she was already in the lead before but she was just cementing it now. I steeled myself. If I was going to do this, I had to put myself out there.

I grabbed hold of my backpack straps and made my way to them. I could hear him holding a civil conversation with Arin, nothing overly friendly, but not bad, either. Had he forgiven her? If that was the case, he could forgive me, too.

I took one last breath for courage and slid up beside Arin. “Hi,” I said, looking at the collar of his shirt first and then forcing my gaze up to his eyes. I missed those eyes. They instantly went cold.

“Good morning, Gyu,” Arin said. “Yeonjun was just telling me a funny anecdote about a girl who brought her entire rock collection to tutoring yesterday.”

“Oh yeah?”

“It wasn’t that funny,” he said. “I have to talk to one of my teachers before class. I better go.”

“Yeonjun,” I said when he got one step away. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Alana widened her eyes at me as if saying, You’re going to do this now? Have I taught you nothing? But it didn’t matter because he said, “Not right now,” and left. His voice seemed sad, not angry, and that just hurt even more.

“Ouch,” Arin said.

“Yeah, I felt that one.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, and I knew she totally meant it. “This is going to end with us giving each other a speech about how we don’t need no stinkin’ boys, isn’t it?”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad ending right now,” I said.

I hadn’t seen Soobin sneak up behind us, until he was between us, an arm around each of our shoulders.

“Good morning,” he said, and kissed Arin’s cheek.

“What did I tell you last night?” she said.

“That I should keep trying because I’m growing on you.”

“I didn’t say that!” Arin said.

“I was reading between the lines. Was I right?”

She laughed and shoved him away.

“I can work with that,” he said.

I was impressed that he was still coming around at all. I would’ve thought that, in Soobin’s world, Arin liking another boy would mean Soobin had to walk away and maintain his pride. But I was slowly learning Soobin wasn’t everything I had thought he was.

“Oh, Soobin,” I said. “While you’re here. Remember when I accused you of sabotaging the marina?”

“No.”

“Oh, I mean of posting pictures on the website.”

“Yes, I remember that.”

“Well, I was wrong.”

“I actually did post pictures on the website,” he said.

I patted his shoulder. “I was wrong about other things, Romeo. I’m sorry.”

“That one actually sounded like you meant it.”

“It was at least ninety-five percent sincere.”

“We’re going to change our parents’ hearts yet, and it probably won’t even take death, Juliet.”

—————

The next morning, the only glimpse I had of Yeonjun was the back of his wavy hair as he disappeared into a crowded hallway.

“Don’t worry,” Arin said, obviously seeing him as well. “I haven’t talked to him, either.”

“I just never thought of him as a guy who held grudges.”

“When pride is involved, people can hold on to a lot of things,” Arin said wisely.

“How am I going to talk to him? At the very least I just want to explain to him why I didn’t tell him.”

“Why would I help you figure that out?” She winked my way. “Every woman for herself, remember?”

“I love you, too,” I said.

“Good luck on the podcast today.”