sparks | henry creel

033

I lay on my bed, squeezing my stuffed bear. For the last day I've imagined him getting whipped, strangled, tortured. It's a Saturday night, and it's been like this for a month and four days. I've been laying in my bed, imagining the worse. Occasionally I'm angry at him, pissed. Pissed at him for not giving me answers. Pissed at him for leaving me.

The thing is, though, I've hardly cried. I've screamed, I've had nightmares. The nightmares started the night he left me, where I fell in Max's hands and she and everyone else comforted me. But I can tell they had no idea why I was upset. I can tell they thought I was over reacting. But they didn't understand the sudden drain of energy I felt when he disseapeared into the woods; how much I was keeping myself stable for him.

Sometimes, I still see him. It's not like I'm day-dreaming, of having a nightmare, I see him at school. Though I know he isn't there. I know he's somewhere unsafe, and although I may be absolutely pissed at him in times, I would never wish what I feel right now on him; on anyone. I hear something push against my window and I stay still. It happens again and I groan, pushing my heavy blanket off of me, standing up, my legs shaking because this is the first time I've gotten out of bed today. I stumble over to the window, and open it, looking down and seeing Lucas giving me a small smile. Although I know Lucas doesn't understand me fully right now, and how dissasociated I am, not just at home but at school, too, he's been sweet and bringing me my favorite donuts. "Hi Heather, Mike wants to know if you want to go to a party with us tonight."

None of "us", and I put us in quotations because I know I'm on the brink of being kicked from the group because of how inactive I am in activities, such as going to breakfast and dinner, and movies at Family Video, none of us are really party people except for Mike and Lucas. I went to one once, and sat on the couch the entire time with the house cat. "I don't think so, not today. Sorry, Lucas." I went to shut the window, but he throws his hands up, as if he had telekinesis or something.

Sharp. Pain.

"I know you're hurting right now. And I know it's only been a month, and that you still need time to move on. But I'm here for you, and so is everyone else. I don't want you to forget that."

"Yeah," I shrug. "I know. I'm just not really feeling it tonight."

He chuckles. "That's been your excuse for everyday of those 36 days." He sighs. "How about this. If you come I'll get you coffee." He sighs, an attempt to compromise. I think for a second, my consciousness telling me not to go. "I...I don't know, Lucas." I shrug, leaning on the window, making sure not to fall out the window. "Please, Heather?" He looks at me in one last attempt. "Who's house is it?" I ask, and I see a little light glistening in his eyes. "Mark Robinson. He's on the  baseball team. He's a good guy," he adds on. "What you mean is, he won't drug me and attempt to rape me." I raise an eyebrow. "Yeah, I guess that is what I mean?" He looks down at his feet. "No, you're right. I know you're still healing. It was stupid of me to come here." He turns around on his heel, and I bite my lip before saying the next words. "I'll go. But you gotta get me a glazed donut, along with the coffee." I sigh.

It so happens to be that Mark Robinson happens to reside on a house on the edge of the forest, that aligns with the pathway Henry introduced me too, that happens to be where the Hawkins Laboratory is, which also so happens to be the main setting for my nightmares.
"H, is everything okay?" Lucas asks me, lightly touching my shoulder in support. He doesn't know about Henry. Don't spill anything.

"Yeah, everything's fine." I give him a small, fake smile. Everything wasn't fine, though. My heart was becoming to ache, and I was becoming lighthearted. "A-actually, I need to sit down." He let goes of me as I sit on my bottom, my head in between my legs. "Woah woah, what happened?" Mike turns around, doing a slow jog to get to me faster. "Everything is fine, I just need to catch my breathe. You guys can go ahead on, I'll catch up in a second-" I look up to him but Lucas shakes his head. "What, are you crazy? No way." Lucas leans down, balancing on his legs as he sits in a squatting position. Personally, I would've fallen over after two seconds. "Its about Henry, isn't it?" Mike catches up, replicating the same position Lucas is in, but eventually sits down. "I know... I know you guys think I'm crazy. I hardly knew him for a month, but being... Roommates can do something to you, especially if-"

"You loved him," Mike completes my sentence. If you counted all of my days spent in my bed, lost in my thoughts, you'd also count the days I spent thinking about love. If I loved him. In the last year, two people have told me they loved me. Dustin, and Max. I don't know what love looks like. Because I don't know what Dustin and Max see. They get to see me in a whole new perspective. They get to see me... As me. Meanwhile the only time I see myself is in the reflection of a mirror.

"We know what love looks like, Heather." Mike chuckles to himself. "Eleven?" I say. He smiles to himself, looking down, but the smile faded. "Uhm, yeah, eleven..." He looks away. "eleven.." he repeats. "Do you not love her?" I begin to look confused. "I do." He looks back up to me, more certainty in his eyes this time. "I just... Don't want to admit it. I'm afraid of ending up like my parents, in a relationship where you're only together because of children, or financial reasons, or faith. I'm afraid to admit to myself that she loves me back. Even though she's said it to me before, I'm afraid she'll-"

"Change her mind?" Lucas cuts in, and we both turn our heads toward him. "I know what that feels like, too. It feels like Max has ending things with me hundreds of times. All of them being over dumb things, such as I only take a shower once a day and not twice a day. She thinks the longer I exercise each day, the more I should clean myself." He smiles lightly to himself. "Point is, Mike and Heather, we've all had to go through something that makes us feel like we're less then equal to love. Love is, the most powerful thing on Earth besides earth itself. And we can't let that get to us because of our fears." Lucas says.

The little... Intervention meeting on love is cut short when I hear a sudden rustle of leaves behind us in the woods. I turn around, my heartbeat coming back, this time faster then ever. "Did you guys hear that?" I whisper, and I look back after no response and Mike and Lucas are both as pale as a ghost, on there feet. "Come on, let's get out of here," Lucas holds out his hand and I'm hesitant to grab it, wanting to stay to figure out what the noise was, even though it simply could've been nature, but instead I grab his hand.

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