Notions || jean kirstein

Stargirl

•Soundtrack
Everything I wanted - billie Eilish
Good looking - suki Waterhouse
State lines - Novo Amor
Meet me in the hallway - Harry Styles
Midnight love - girl in red
{Spotify playlist is in my bio}

I didn't go to practice that morning or for the next week in fact. My psychology paper was due in a week and I hadn't even started it, let alone looked at the criteria. Day after day it was the same, it all just muddled into one. My skates hung from the door hanger, the laces tied together earnestly waiting to be worn but I protested, ignoring their existence. I hadn't left the dorm since Levi dropped me back here. The car was silent only the sound of the engine Revving as he sped past the snowy early morning sky.

I was taken in for an interview, as a spectator. Even though I wasnt even there for the initial attack. Frozen, I sat in the office chair, facing another with a man that went by the name of Officer Pixis. I was informed that had been a very violent physical fight between Jean and floch - jean punching first as floch openly admitted to harassing me. I was called to the station as my name was reference multiple times prior to the incident and that I had been missing in action. My phone was found by a bystander and handed into one of the officers that was taking custody of Jean. Floch had been admitted to hospital, as far as I know but they didn't tell me how much damage had been caused.

They told me nothing more about Jean as I sat frozen in that chair. I listened to the officer explain the situation, my heart heavy on my chest. 

Why would he do something like that- and for me?

They had given me contact information for counseling or even some psychologist that could help me in the future, but It was to early for that. It had only been a few hours since the incident, it hadn't fully set in, the Unwashable, uncleanable hand prints marked over my body but it began on the second day.

I had barely slept, the fact that jean would still be in custody for my stupid actions kept me awake, haunting me almost. I should've never smoked, I should've never went to the kitchen alone, I should've never told jean. Guilt swamped my brain each and every time as I would attempted to fall back sleep.

Countless messages and phone calls from my new founded comrades flooded my phone, to ask if I was doing alright or if they could drop by and see me. I ignored them all, because non of them were Him.

Jean.

Ymir was there, helping out where and when she could. I told her about jean and floch, but not into great detail- not that I didn't know much anyway. She would noticed the life that was drained out of me and how I would constantly shift around in my bed in the earlier hours of the morning, when I would be getting up to go practice.  She gave me space, but helped out with my early stages of sadness. Changing my sheets secretly when I showered and encouraged me to open the curtains, even though she was the one that never liked them being open. She brought dinner home each night. she never did that. Plating me a small amounts of food on the paper plate and heated it up in the microwave. She would sit on the edge of my bed when we ate, not a word spoken between us. My appetite had significantly declined but This, this was the only reason I would eat. Her efforts were enough to keep me from starving myself. I knew she wasn't the best at showing affection but I knew she was trying. Trying her hardest to get back her tight ass, cheerful roommate.

Ma and I had been texting as usual, me acting as if nothing had happened and that I was still going to practice and class. She would ask me about my new home, new friends, my new life.
All I could is lie. Lie after lie.
According to my blue texts that sat on the right side of my phone, I had found myself a comfortable spot in a friend group, I was keeping up on my grades, practice was going well and that I had met a boy.