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Flourish is a review shop created by TeamOfDeams to provide writers an honest critique of their writing. Our goal is to uplift writers and assist in taking their creations to the next level thr...
I loved your cover design. The words are easily readable. Seeing El's necklace on it made reading the description make perfect sense, which is not always easy to do with words. The background seems to hint at things to come.
The title did not fit the image in my mind initially and I was thinking about complaining about it. I expected black to tie in the word curse. However, your cover's other words changed my mind on that matter. Blue is the perfect color for an icy curse.
I found your four line start to the blurb wonderful. The middle did not live up to that standard. It is good, but over wordy with stuff we do not need to know here.
El's paragraph has three concepts: her powers, her parent's deciding to give more information, and truth carries life changing effect. Cut it to just those points and it would hook reads better.
Elise's paragraph stays interesting, but could say the same thing in fewer words to increase its power. Her control shifting to lack where her power was concerned, the deaths she causes, and the crossing the Great Void for the Lost Sorceress.
The final two sentences are good as they are. Overall, it would be enough to hook most readers into giving your story a try.
Hook Review:
I guess your hook was great because I read everything you have published. Your Prologue was powerful, likely one of the best openings I have read on WattPad in my ten years here. However, while I love the symbolism, I question the accuracy of her pink lips creating color in the dark room. With her eye closed in the dark room, how does she know her veins stand out? I would reword it so it made sense, like a flash of lightning made them visible and caused her to see them burned into her mind as the room went black or light slipping under the door so dark becomes gloomy, murky, or something hinting that there is enough light to make them out.
The two El chapters continued the powerful beginning. I enjoyed the Fabian and El interaction, especially around Hilda. I found nothing to complain about.
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