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Breaking Traditions

Author's Name:

fatiha_h

Reviewer:

sky_is_limit

Review Type:

Cover/Blurb, Hook

Cover/Blurb Review:

Okay, so let's start with the cover! I think the new cover works a little better than the previous. If I remember correctly, the picture was a little blurry and I think the words were small.

This is the right direction because the title is very easy and clear to read. Your name is also easy to read at the top as well even though the size is significantly smaller than the title. As for the colors, I do think the orange of Traditions clashes a bit with the red top the model in the photo has on. It does match the leaves on the trees, but I feel like against the red, the orange becomes a little washed out. The white of Breaking works fine in my opinion.

Now, does the cover fit the overall tone/concept of the story? At first glance, I want to say no. The cover photo looks like it's just a girl in the woods. Because of that, I feel like it seems just like a random picture of a pretty girl and not like it has any real significance to the novel.

Now for the blurb. Overall, I think the brief description of the story isn't bad. You do introduce your main character while also providing us with an insight into her life. We then get the general idea of what's to come.

Though I do think this sentence can be moved down. It feels like this should be the last sentence in the blurb: Friendships will be formed, bonds will be broken and an unbreakable love story that will leave you amazed.

There's also a tense mixup in the blurb that does make it a little awkward to read. But overall, it's not a bad blurb. Is it enough to get me reading? Not really. And does it fit with the cover? Not in my opinion. I feel like it needs a little more work and to be tightened up just a bit more.

Hook Review:

Okay, now for the hook. I can't really say I was hooked by the end of chapter two. Here are my reasons why:

The prologue felt like it could've been left out. I feel like it may have been better to just start the story off at chapter one. To me, it would have been a little more enticing to just get her without the prologue where she reacts to her mothers death. Rather than the paragraph of activities they did together in the prologue, that information could have been sprinkled throughout the story as she remembers her mother.

And I know everyone reacts to death differently, but I did personally feel like Lia's reaction to her mother's death was a bit theatrical. It felt a little more dramatic than it should have been. I, myself, have never heard of or seen anyone reacting like that from a loved one's passing other than in movies and other media. But that's just my experience. I do think a bit of why I feel like this may have to do with the fact that she's speaking aloud as she says all this. I feel like I'm not feeling her emotions if that makes sense.

I did also notice some grammatical errors that make it a little hard for me to read personally.

Now, the start of chapter one feels a little awkward to me. It doesn't feel like there's a smooth flow between the information we're given. It goes from talking about the coffee shop to talking about traveling to deal with the death of her mother. I feel like things should be tied together just a little better.

Though I will say you do add some nice info touches like Lia using her tears against Steve, showing us just how close they are. But then awkward things happen like her telling the audience to not be surprised at her having manners. And finally, the end mentions her substance abuse which is alcohol. Nowhere else in chapter one is alcohol mentioned. Even when she says she uses traveling as a coping mechanism, she doesn't mention that alcohol is also one of her coping mechanism. To me, that piece of info seems so random and like it could've come at a much better time.

To what I think the hook is: I think the hook was meant to be Steve handing over the letter to Lia. Is it effective? I personally don't think so because I feel like there are a good chunk of holes leading to this. For example, why would Steve be handing this to her a whole year later and not when her mother initially passed away. Well, I mean not after the funeral, unless Lia quite literally left the funeral, packed her bag the same day, and left the same day.

Chapter two is when we get to see the contents of the letter. Again, I feel like there are just too many holes in the story so early on for us to properly grasp the hook. Why is Lia so surprised at the mention of her father? Unless her mother has told her that he's a terrible man, it doesn't seem logical for him to be surprised. I also feel like we constantly lack explanations for some of the character's actions. Like when Lia says she's been betrayed. Is it because her mom told her she doesn't have any family? That should be said.

Now, I can say that I do have plenty of questions after reading, but it's not because I found the chapters hooking or captivating. It's really because I found that there are so many plot holes that I'm unable to be hooked. Rather than being able to be focused on the story, I'm focused more on what needs to be improved and such.

Now, I hope this isn't too harsh. My point is definitely not to tear your hard work apart, but I do think the novel needs a lot of work.