because you are a cunt

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I lay down on the small bed. It's too soft for my liking, they'd probably get me a new mattress if I'd ask but I think it's pretty wasteful. The sheets are made of silk. God, I've missed silk. We used to have silk sheets at district two, I had green and Nina had yellow. We got them because I am a Slytherin and she's a Hufflepuff. Our grandparents loved Harry Potter when they were kids so we've read the stories as children. I liked them, I thought the books were pretty great. When I was a kid I thought I related to Fred Weasley but now I feel like I am Sirius Black.                                   I've never slept on a train before. I don't know what I expected but it doesn't feel any different. I feel the movement of the train when I walk or stand but laying down, it's not any different. I am not tired. I close my eyes but I can't stop thinking about the reaping. Iris Sanksion saying my name still echoes in the back of my head. My sister's screams... I wonder what my mom thought about the whole thing. Was she even there? I didn't see her in the audience so it's pretty sure she didn't see it. She didn't even bother to come to say goodbye so maybe she just wasn't there.                                                                                                             


My sister did. She cried the whole ten minutes I had time to spend with her. I just held her in my arms, telling her I am going to be okay and come back home sooner than she thinks.Because I will. I don't care who I have to kill or how but I will. Well, I don't intend on killing anyone but still, I am prepared to do the worst things possible.


We're arriving in the capital tomorrow. I've never been there and I am not so sure what to expect. I know we're going to some sort of beauty salon where they're going to prepare us and then some dress fittings for later. And then practicing for a few days.Oh, God. I am going to see Steve Harrington in a few days.


What the hell? What am I supposed to do? I can't even say his name, how the hell I'm supposed to even look at him in the eyes? The way I ended things with him... Well, let's just say I have a lot of regrets about it. I broke him. I was too cruel with my words when I moved. I should've told him how I felt but instead, I took the easy way out, the coward's way out, and acted like a cunt. He wanted to stay together and try out long-distance but I didn't. I wonder if he's moved on already... 


The idea of him with another girl makes me sick. Jealousy is a funny thing...

I get up from the bed. It's been hours and I just can't sleep. I wonder if I could find hot chocolate in the kitchen.


Turns out I'm not the only one who thought that.


"Hi there," I say when I open the kitchen door. "Make me one too, please." I sit on the kitchen counter and lean against the wall. Suddenly I am very aware of my clothing. I am only wearing a t-shirt and tiny shorts and now I wish I would have put on something else. Mainly because I am cold but I feel very naked under his eyes.


"Of course," Munson says and grabs another mug. He grabs the soy milk from the fridge and pours me some. I can see how much he puts chocolate flour and I grin widely. God, I've missed hot chocolate. Another thing I haven't had since we moved.


"I have a plan," I say. He turns to face me and raises his eyebrows. "How one of us is going to survive? I've already decided that it's going to be me but just in case I die, it should be you. And if I die and you'll live you'll take care of my sister and if you die and I live, I'll take care of yours.""I don't have a family." He whispers.

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⏰ Last updated: Aug 07, 2022 ⏰

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