It will be me before it's you (And that's okay)

Chapter 22

The ocean stretched out endlessly beneath them, dark and infinite, reflecting the soft shimmer of the moon. The air was warm, thick with salt and jasmine drifting from the trees beyond the shoreline. Somewhere in the distance, a quiet melody floated from another villa. A slow, low tune from a guitar, blending into the steady rhythm of the waves beneath their deck.

Clarke barely noticed.

She was too focused on Lexa.

Lexa hadn't said much since they left dinner. She'd been quiet all day, even as their group wandered through the open markets, even when Clarke had caught her smiling at something Raven said, or lingered just a little longer at the edges of conversations. And now, here, alone in the cool night air, she was somewhere else entirely. Her eyes were focused on something far off in the distance, where the sea met the never ending darkness of the night.

Clarke had seen this before. The way Lexa could disappear without moving an inch, how she got stuck in her own head, how she always seemed to be bracing herself for something only she knew was coming.

The villa was still lit from the inside, the glow spilling out onto the deck, but the others had long since gone to bed, and their own villas were dark. It was just them now. Just the sound of the ocean and the warm lantern light flickering between them.

"You've barely spoken all night," Clarke murmured, breaking the silence.

Lexa blinked, as if pulled from a distant thought. Her fingers curled slightly against the armrests of her chair. "I didn't realize that was unusual."

Clarke huffed a small laugh, glancing back toward the horizon. "I guess it's not." She hesitated, fingers tapping against the wooden railing. "But you're thinking more than usual, I can tell that much."

Lexa didn't argue, which only confirmed Clarke's suspicions.

Clarke hesitated before speaking again, her voice softer this time. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Lexa was quiet for a long moment. "No, I don't think so." she admitted.

Clarke swallowed. "Okay."

She didn't push. She never did. But sometimes she wished Lexa would let her in a little more, that she wouldn't keep everything that she buried so deep inside.

"It's quite beautiful, isn't it?" Lexa commented. She continued to stare out into the far distance. And it was. The way the moonlight shone off the gentle waves that lapped below them, it was beautiful.

Clarke let out a breath and turned toward her. She tilted her head, pulse quickening slightly as she exhaled. Something compelled her to be a little more honest tonight, a little more open.

And so, she said "So are you."

Lexa stilled.

It was barely noticeable, the smallest shift in her breath, a flicker of something in her expression. But Clarke saw it.

Lexa didn't say anything.

She finally looked at Clarke, something unreadable in her eyes, something peeking out from inside of them that Clarke wasn't entirely sure she was supposed to see.

"Clarke." Her voice was soft, restrained.

"What?" She asked softly

Lexa sighed and shook her head slightly, redirecting her eyes. "You don't have to—" She hesitated, jaw tightening, like she wasn't sure how to finish the sentence.

Clarke frowned. "Have to what?"

Lexa still wouldn't look at her. "You don't have to say these things just to make me feel better."