His Heart

Chapter four: Lizzie

I stared at the number Archer gave me whilst the twins squabbled over the remote. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea. I had put off the call all weekend and I wasn't sure why. 

Now I sighed and looked up at Josh. 

"What's up?" He asked.

He was still so intuitive after all these years.

"I don't know. I had a conversation with Archer over the weekend and he suggested it was time to start dating again." I fiddled with a loose thread on my sleeve.

"Didn't you go on dates after we divorced?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Not particularly. I had a couple of group nights out that I was invited to but nothing particularly serious. I guess I decided it wasn't the right time, because of the divorce and the twins were so little."

"Do you think you'd like to try dating again?" He asked, pulling up a chair and watching me.

I shrugged.

"Look, I know it's none of my business when you start dating again." He said. "I would never want to push you on something like that. It's for you to decide if and when you're ready. But as the mother of my children and my ex-wife, I want you to be happy. I think if you want to start dating again, then you should do that."

"What about the boys?" I asked.

"You can explain it to them. We can explain it to them together if you like." He said, taking my hand. "You are an incredible mother. And you have put everyone ahead of yourself for five years, I think it's time you gave yourself a break and did something for yourself. You deserve that, Lizzie." He squeezed my hand and smiled reassuringly.

I hesitated.

"Remember last year, we had this same conversation when I decided it was time to start dating again?" He asked. "It's not selfish to want a life outside of the twins, Liz."

"I don't know." I said. "It's just...easier for you, I guess. The kids adapted so well to the divorce, and when we explained to them that you were going to date again, they didn't really notice anything different. I'm just so scared that one wrong decision could hurt them."

"Hey, Lizzie, listen to me."

I looked up at him.

"I worry about a lot of things with our kids." He said. "I worry that I can't provide for them properly or that they'll struggle in school. But I have never worried about you not protecting them enough. From the moment those kids were born, you have done nothing but the best for them."

He squeezed my hand gently and he wiped a tear from my eye. He could still make my heart skip a beat when he talked like that.

"Look, it doesn't have to be anything permanent right?" He said. "Why don't you just dip your toe in? Get a feel for things? We don't even have to explain it to the boys just yet, just have a look at what's out there and decide if it's really something you want to do."

"You think it's a good idea?" I asked.

"I do. I really do." He said. "Where's his number?"

I got the strip of paper out that Archer had given me and handed it to him.

"Honey, you know Archer wouldn't suggest something like this if he didn't think it was a good idea." He said. "I'd never push you to do anything you don't want to, but I think you should consider it, if it's something you want to do."

"Would you be ok with it?"

He smiled. "You don't need it, but as your ex-husband, you have my blessing. You do what you think is right, when the time is right for you."