His Heart

Chapter thirty-two: Lizzie

Charlie was even quieter than usual. He was always quiet. But today he hardly said a word. He just watched the boys play together, silently.

Leo was a lovely little boy, so polite and charming and quiet. My two could learn a thing or two from him. He had smiled at me from behind Charlie's legs and when Charlie bent down to comfort him I felt my heart melt a little bit. There was nothing more beautiful than a man who adored his kids.

"The twins are very lively." Charlie commented.

"Especially compared to Leo. I've never met such a charming little boy." I replied.

He smiled. "Leo's always been a quiet kid. He would be content to just sit and let me read all day if I would."

"See my boys won't let me read to them unless it's bedtime." I said. "They're on the go, constantly."

He chuckled. "Good. Maybe they can bring Leo out of his shell."

He takes after his father then. I thought to myself, and smiled.

We lapsed back into silence and I watched my boys for another couple of minutes before looking at Charlie who was keeping an eye on Leo.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

He sighed.

"Not really." He murmured.

"Do you...want to talk about it?" I asked, hesitantly.

He paused and I was about to tell him he didn't have to say anything when he spoke.

"Maddie went through abuse a couple of years ago and somehow I missed it."

He didn't say anything else, he just looked at me.

"Now it's your turn."

"My best friend relapsed." I murmured. "He's been going through a hard time at home, and I've been so wrapped up in my own life I didn't realise he was struggling until it was too late."

"Too late?"

"He suffers from alcoholism. Usually I see the signs before he starts spiralling and pick him up again, but this time, he's been going through it alone."

He wrapped his hand around mine and we watched the boys play together.

"Why is it so hard being a parent?" I asked. "Every time you think you have your life and your kids figured out, they throw you another curveball."

"You can't watch your kids all the time." He replied. "Sooner or later, you need to trust them to handle things themselves. But when you've made them your whole world for years, it can be hard letting go and watching them learn to fly on their own."

I thought about his words and squeezed his hand in response.

Sure we needed to trust our kids to make the right decisions, but I wasn't so sure I trusted myself to teach them how to make the right decision. But right decisions were overrated. After all, a thousand wrong decisions had brought me here today. They had brought me to Charlie.

Sometimes the wrong decisions gave you the right consequences. But how were you to know the difference until it was too late to do anything about it?

All parents make bad decisions. We grow from them. We learn. We hope it doesn't screw up our kids too badly and at the end of it all, we have to hope our kids learned from our mistakes. Nobody was perfect. Maybe that should be the first lesson we taught our kids.

~*~

"Can Leo come over to play sometime, Mummy?" The twins begged.

I shared a glance with Charlie, who looked down at his smiling son.