His Heart

Chapter thirty-five: Charlie

I watched the boys play together on the floor and shared a smile with Lizzie. Maddie sat next to me and her fingers twitched anxiously. She wasn't very good in social situations with people she didn't know too well. Just like her papa. I took her hand and rubbed her fingers gently. 

"It's ok." I whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

She smiled at Lizzie, shyly.

"Papá tells me you're an artist." She said.

Lizzie blushed and nodded. "I draw portfolios for up and coming children's authors."

"Could I see?" She asked.

"Of course."

She stood up, gracefully, and floated towards the back room. I watched the twins squabble over a toy and Leo shot me a look of panic.

"It's ok." I said.

Lizzie re-entered the room, calming the boys with a look. She smiled and handed Maddie the folder in her hands.

She turned the pages so gently, looking at each and every picture carefully as if she wanted to take in everything.

"This author wanted rabbits, so I have drawn the variety of different sizes and styles that I have learnt and then they can decide if they want to use any." Lizzie explained.

"So you get to spend all day drawing?" Maddie asked.

She chuckled. "Well, I'm a mum to twin boys which takes up a surprising amount of time. But yes, I spend a lot of my day drawing."

"That's so cool." Maddie said softly.

Lizzie smiled. "Do you like drawing?"

"I did. When I was younger." She said.

I remembered the artwork that used to cover our walls and fridge and wondered when that had stopped and why.

"What do you like to do?" Lizzie asked.

Maddie smiled bashfully. "Sing."

"Yeah?" Lizzie asked. "What kind of music?"

"Anything and everything." She said, looking down at the pages in embarrassment.

Lizzie smiled. "Do you ever sing for people?"

"Only Papá." Maddie said.

Lizzie looked up at me and smiled.

"She used to sing Leo to sleep." I said. "It was her favourite time of day."

"Yeah, what did you sing to get him to go to sleep?" Lizzie asked.

Maddie's eyes lit up and I wondered if she was remembering the way she used to rock Leo in her arms, humming gently until he slept, no matter how tired her arms got. She was just like her Mamá. Always willing to put him first.

"Don't forget to remember me." She replied.

Lizzie looked up at me, perplexed.

"It was one of Jasmine's favourite songs." I explained.

She smiled.

"Will you sing it for me sometime?" She asked.

Maddie smiled and shook her head, hiding behind her hair.

"Ok." She spoke as if it didn't matter to her either way and I saw Maddie relax.

I loved seeing my daughter relaxed and happy. Since she told me about Oliver she's been tense and anxious. I wanted to kiss Lizzie for making her smile again.

"That's mine!" One of the twins yelled.

"I had it first!" The other argued, snatching the toy back.

"Boys. Share nicely." Lizzie chided. "You need to learn to take it in turns. Look, Leo is waiting so patiently."

Leo smiled and watched the twins as they stopped squabbling.

I studied the twins carefully but still couldn't tell which was which. Was there some kind of sixth sense given to mothers when their kids were born that told them how to do this? How to tell their kids apart, how to carry both children at the same time, how to make the perfect soup that healed all ailments.

Being a mother looked so easy. So natural.

So why was being a father like taking a course you were determined to fail?

~*~

We put a movie on for the kids to watch and Maddie curled up on the sofa surrounded by the boys. It was cute how comfortable the twins were around her. She wrapped an arm around one of them and they snuggled into her side.

Lizzie pulled me into the kitchen and sat me down, placing a bottle of wine on the table.

She leaned in to kiss me and I relaxed against her as her arms wrapped around me.

I was surprised at how naturally I reacted. I hadn't done this in so long, I was expecting my body to tense but it moved fluidly, my hands reached to hold her face, my tongue stroked her lips gently, my head tilted the right way.

There was a surprising art to kissing, I realised. Sure, it was just biochemical processes being played out. Testing for compatibility with your partner. But the gentle, fluid movements of it, the touch of her lips, the smell of her hair, made it something beautiful.

She pulled away and smiled, pouring me a glass of wine.

"That's to help you stop analyzing everything." She told me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Charlie, I can read you like my kids' picture books." She said, laughing. "You're a very careful man. But sometimes you need to relax and let nature take over."

She kissed my cheek and smoothed my hair from my face. Her smile made me melt inside.

"Tell me what you're thinking." She said, softly.

"Jasmine would have loved you." I said, without realising it.

She smiled. "Even though I'm dating her husband?"

I nodded. "The two of you would have been very good friends."

Her hand reached out to hold mine and I laced my fingers through.

"Thank you." I whispered.

She smiled and raised an eyebrow.

"For what?"

"For being patient." I leaned in to kiss her and she stroked my cheek lightly.

This was nothing like it was described in the movies. There was no fireworks or sparks or birds singing. It was just us. Locking ourselves in our own world for a little while.

I wanted to stay in our little world but all too soon she pulled away.

"The kids will be hungry." She said. "I'm going to finish cooking."

She stood up and headed to the oven and I stood beside her, chopping up the vegetables she handed me.

She put the radio on and began to sing and I couldn't help but smile. I wanted to take her hand and twirl her around again like we did in the park but instead I stood quietly and listened to her singing.

And as I listened, I wondered whether the strange beat I could hear was the radio or my heart quickening.