Mistakes We Can't Laugh About (Loser #2)

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Tuwang-tuwa si Karsen nang ibalita ko sa kanya ang pag-uwi ko dahil wala raw siyang maisip na papalit sa akin.

Mill would be the reporter for Karsen's wedding because it would be televised as she was marrying Kobe, a well-known public personality in the Philippines. Si Kat naman ang maghahatid sa kanya sa altar kaya wala na talagang ibang magiging maid of honor kung hindi ako.

While on the airplane, thinking about what I would do during my nine-week stay there, I calculated the number of days I've spent in Italy.

4 years, 8 months, 1 week, and 6 days.

No breaks. No time off. Matagal-tagal din. Halos limang taon.

The first year when I transferred to Ferrara was hard because I was still adjusting, but with Ma'am Anne's help, I managed. Sinabi niya sa akin kung saan pa ako dapat mag-improve. She provided feedback on my work, but I didn't let it affect how I felt about myself. Mahirap ding isabay ang pag-aaral, pero dahil sapat naman na ang kinikita ko at ang oras na mayroon ako, nagawa ko naman.

Akala ko noon ay mabagal ang pagtakbo ng oras pero napagtanto kong sa bawat paghakbang ko ay unti-unti ko ring naaabot ang pangarap ko.

I was an emotionally weak, barely 23-year-old woman who was too dependent on others' words before. But now that I'm 27, I can say that I'm an accomplished woman who has learned from life. I felt like I'd matured and grown into the person the young Amari wanted to be.

Ganoon yata talaga. For us to move forward, we have to let go of things that slow us down, weigh us down, and make it hard for us to get where life wants us to go.

Mahirap 'yon. Walang sapat na salita ang makakapaglarawan kung gaano kahirap alisin ang mga nakasanayan, kung gaano kahirap ibaon sa limot ang mga alaala.

But if doing and going through that will make you the version of yourself you've always desired to be, then screw everything and everyone. At the end of the day, wala kang ibang aasahan kung hindi ang sarili mo. We can't wait for others to wipe our own damn tears because we were given the hands to do it ourselves.

"Mari!"

Ang pamilyar na boses ng mga kaibigan ko ang sumalubong sa akin nang makalabas ako ng airport. I looked over and saw them coming toward me. Buhat ni Karsen ang ngayo'y may kalakihan nang anak. Nakangiti ito at kumakaway sa akin. Si Mill naman ay tumatakbo na para bang may humahabol sa kanya. At si Kat ay malamlam ang tingin sa akin habang may maliit na ngiti sa labi.

Their faces immediately warmed my heart.

I am home now.

After making my way through life on my own, I am finally home.

Hindi na ako nagulat nang si Mill ang unang makalapit sa akin. She cradled me tightly in her arms, granting my request for a hug that I asked her a few years back. Niyakap ko siya pabalik at naramdaman ko ang lalong pagsiksik niya sa akin.

"Na-miss mo 'ko, 'no?" nangingiting tanong ko.

"Maldita ka kasi!" tanging naisagot niya.

Nang makalapit sa amin sina Karsen at Kat ay para kaming mga tangang nag-iyakan doon. I felt like I was back where I belonged. Na kahit nasa Italy na ang buhay ko, uuwi at uuwi ako para sa mga taong 'to.

"Danda mo, nangnang," sabi sa akin ni Gayle habang nasa sasakyan kami. Titig na titig pa siya sa akin na para bang namamangha siyang nakikita niya ako.

Driver ni Kobe ang sumundo sa akin, at sa ngayon, dahil nakalipat naman na sina Karsen at Gayle sa bahay ng lalaki ay sa apartment muna ako ni Mill mag-s-stay. It was more practical than having to check into a hotel. Isa pa ay gusto ko rin silang makasama nang mas matagal.