Paper cuts & Paper rings | JayWon

07. Wrong

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When the school day was over, Jungwon wasn't sure how he made it home after the incident at break. He still could feel Jay's hand in his own and his own uneven breaths right beside the olders cheek when his friends were only a few meters away. He quickly took a seat at the table with his parents, the consequences of his actions had suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks.

Jungwon forces his head down when his mother takes a seat right in front of him. He was afraid his mother would catch his lies and imperfection just with the guilty look and silently gestures but she sat silently with the same sweet smile. He smiles back, lips forced into an unnatural shape when his father took a seat beside him.

"Oh, Jungwon, I didn't realise you were home." Shieun pulls out a chair besides their mother. He merely nods to acknowledge his sisters concern but doesn't feel in the mood to talk.

Usually during dinners at the Yang household, it was quiet and consisted of religious readings. They didn't talk much, finding it rude to speak with their mouths full and being boisterous at such a scared hour. It also taught both him and his sister table manners and how to behave outside of their quaint dinners.

Normally, Jungwon would usually hate the thick atmosphere of silence and beady eyes after Shieun and him would explain the course of their day but today it was very much in his favour. He blurted out whatever poor lie he could mould to cover up his sins at break and just as hurried, put his head back down and continued eating his food.

Shieun finished up what she had done at school and the table was just about to go silent until his father spoke up, "That was very nice dear," he comments and Jungwon picks up another piece of meat and rice until his father continued, "But I must warn you about something very awful that has happened to a student in your school."

Jungwons eyes quirk up, wondering who this student could've been. It surely wasn't anyone close to him – otherwise he would have known about some rumours or gossip going around but he hadn't noticed any shift. His mother continues, "Yes, we always teach you to be as poised, proper, and well-rounded people but we cannot protect you from imperfect, sinning children who have no sense and could easily tant you just as their parents have done to them."

"Are any of you acquainted with a young boy named Lee Heeseung?" His father asks to which both him and Shieun shake their head in response. He can hear an audible sigh of relief from his father's lips which further propels his curiosity. What exactly did this 'Lee Heeseung' do?

"I'm glad you know how to navigate yourselves around ferals," His mother swallows harshly, adjusting the position of her black tie around her white dress shirt, "That student, Lee Heeseung, he had such a bright future just like the both of you – scholarship, high paying job inheriting his parents' business, healthy children, and relationship... all of it. But do you know how he threw wall of that away?"

Her voice seems to raise in intestate so much so Jungwon can't help but feel uncomfortable, "What happened mother? Did he do drugs? Commit blasphemy? Sleep with someone before marriage?" she tilts her head up to look at the older woman, and if Jungwon was feeling well he would've probably asked those same questions. If he was as pure and perfect as everyone else on this table then maybe he would have the guts to speak.

"Worse than sleep with another girl before marriage," His father cut off before she could ask another question, "He was caught participating in sexual actives with another boy."

The table was dead silent. His sister burst out in disgust, both his parents began explaining the grotesque nature of his acts and how his parents must have failed him in some way. The outburst now clouding over the meal they were meant to be enjoying with the talk of sins and homosexuality made Jungwon feel sick. He could feel bile climbing up his throat.

Feeling nauseous, he put his head back down and used his hand to cover his mouth. Jungwon turned away from his family in a weak attempt to hide himself as tears welled in his eyes at the idea of his parents finding out about anything he had done.

Would they abandon him like all the opportunities that were stripped away from Heeseung once everyone found out he had been sexual with another boy? Would they through him out and leave him, begging for mercy and forgiveness to his community and God because he was imperfect – a flaw for doing something unnatural?

Jungwon was sure that bile would spew out of his mouth any moment now, the blurred vison of food on his plate and the aroma of his mothers cooking made him gag and feel even worse. "I don't feel so good..." he mutters out inchoately, "may I be... e-excused?" he chokes out, holding back anything that might come up.

"Is something wrong, Jungwon?" His father stands up to support his weak body, the two of them limping over to the bathroom.

Once Jungwon reaches the bathroom, he drops to his knees, vomiting until he feels dizzy and weak. Cries choke out as he spews out bile into the toilet bowl, his father helping him clean up his face, bushing off his tears as an effect of him falling ill. "Do you feel better now?" his father runs his larger hand over his shirt to comfort him, nodding slowly as he wipes more tears away from his eyes.

"Y-yeah, I'm just a little tender that's all," He reassures his father as they walk over to his bedroom. They take a seat on his bed, Jungwon refusing to look up at his dad in case any guilt would force things out his body, "I-I would like to go to sleep now, father, if that's okay." He mummers out incoherently.

"Of course," His father stands up, "Just let me know if you need anything, I'm sure it's nothing son, it'll be gone once you wake up." He smiles.

"I Promise."

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hm... how so much has changed 🙃