Paper cuts & Paper rings | JayWon

08. Normal

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Jay flinches when the door slams shut behind him, his shoulders propelling up by his father's harsh grip on his arm, a subtle frown slipping onto his lips when his eyes meet Jungwon's parents gaze.

The realisation that every escape was out of his reach made him cringe. He can hear his parents mumbling incoherently as his father's grip tightens around him, inhaling sharply to hold back any tears or anger that maybe spill out if he spoke.

"Normally, we would go to our professional office in our building but I wanted Jay to feel a little more comfortable," Mrs Yang explains with faint hand gestures as they follow them to their informal office, "so we're going to do these sessions in out house at first if that's okay," his parents' nod.

"Mum," he whispers hoarsely under his breath, "I-I don't want to do this anymore..." Jay knew his cry would go in vain, his parents and everyone in this God damn country were brainwashed and filtered with homophobia and religion that he just couldn't conform to.

"Jay, dear," He mother hums softly as she holds onto his quivering hand, "these people are helping you, helping us for free, once you're all better and normal again we won't have to do this anymore. You just must try – we all do after what happened – then we won't ever have to do this ever again."

"Your mother's right, Jay," his father pats his shoulder and Jay nods numbly. He hated going against his parents despite how 'deviant' he was known to be, "the sooner we get this mess fixed the sooner we can go back to our normal life."

His smile drops when he hears his sexuality being referred to as mess that needs to be fixed. "Yeah.. of course, dad. I understand. I know I must do this." Tears already begin welling in his eyes, but he held them back and swallowed harshly, pushing an unnatural smile onto his lips once they reached the office.

"So, Jay, when was the first time you had these thoughts of boys, men, males this way and when was the most recent thought of homosexuality?"

Jay stills at the questions. He can tell everyone has noticed how visibly tense he is when he sucks in another deep sigh and tries to relax his shoulders. He searches for a lie when Mr Yang asks the second question. There was no way he could bring Jungwon into his mess, his mistake – his imperfections – when his parents were right there.

"I-um..."

"It's okay Jay, take all the time you need." Mr Yang smiles and leans back in his chair, the glass table separating them catching his reflection, "we know you're already having a difficult time with your living situation and with this confusion on top, we understand if you become flustered or afraid, but this is a safe space,"

"As long as you're willing to change."

Of course. Jay clutches his fist under the table as he nods obliviously like a puppet. He takes a second to collect himself and control his emotions, "I um.. the first time I-I thought of... being with another boy was," he starts, his voice trailing off as he adds more detail to his story which ends horribly, "and then... it h-happened before my parents-"

A lump caught in his throat. Jay thought to swallow it away and push back his tears with his assortative and confident tone, but he couldn't. His mouth ran dry, and his body ran cold, leaning back into the sofa between his parents. He refused to continue his story, so his parents decide to continue for him which made him grow angry.

"Jay had a lot of friends which were quiet obviously queer," his mother began as she straightens her posture, "they were oddly feminine, not in a cultural way but in a sexual or sensual way that just made me uncomfortable whenever they would hang out."