Paper cuts & Paper rings | JayWon

40. Replay

"You're awake," a familiar yet jarring voice stirs Jungwon up. He looks over to see the looming shadow of his father peering slightly outside his door. Perhaps the sight is odd because he hasn't been home in what feels like months or maybe it's because his father's expression was unreadable - wouldn't he have left to go to work by now?

"Dad-"

"Your mother told me what happened, Won, you don't need to look so scared." His father's voice is sharp and some what comforting. He misses him so much yet there's still this invisible barrier that stops Jungwon from closing the gap between them and wrapping his arms around him.

"I'm sorry," He squeaks, voice croakier than he had anticipated but he was glad he said something. He just wanted his dad to stay a little longer.

And thankfully he did.

His hand gently pushed open the door instead of his initial attempt to close it shut. "I'm sorry too Jungwon, now go get dressed." And with that Jungwon was alone. Again.

A couple of moments pass but he sits blankly on his sheets and stares off out of his window. It's almost like he's sucking in the presence of this room, this place, all over again and tears begin to swell again. He can still feel the lingering gaze of his father on him, and he wonders what he means.

What he's supposed to do now that everything is back to 'normal'?

Jungwon's fingers interlock with one another as he sits patiently on the swings of his back garden. 12:34 am. His eyes flicker between his sweaty hands and the beaming moon that glosses a pale light over the desolate garden. Though the wind blows harshly, he sucks in the air desperately as if he would never be able to breathe it in again.

It was strange. Jungwon had never thought of missing anything like this before - too wrapped in his own mind and false perceptions that reality would mould with him but for once in his life he feels present and that's something he never really thanked him for.

He made a silent note as another jagged breath slips past his lips.

"Boo..."

Jungwon flinches and his eyes flutter shut but the gentle whisper along with the quick squeeze of his shoulder makes the scare less scary and more pleasant yet embarrassing.

"You're supposed to be asleep, darling,"

The words send shivers down his spine as he swiftly swings over and takes a seat beside him.

"I didn't think you ever did bad things."

Their eyes lock and the fresh yet familiar sensations of butterflies and giddiness erupt and attack his stomach to the point he can't stop smiling. The urge he suddenly gets to kiss and hold his shadowy figure becomes unbearable and before he can think to stop himself his arms wrap around his neck.

The cool skin quickly burns with heat when their lips finally touch yet all his urgency fades away with the chaste kiss until he pulls away and Jungwon craves it once again.

"I missed you, Jay," His words feel fake but so does everything else. It's all indescribable - it's all so sudden - but Jungwon wants to indulge in all of it.

He wants to indulge in all of Jay.

"I missed you more," He coos and gently runs his thumb over his pinkish cheek. "I've missed you so, so, so much..." he yawns as he mutters quietly to himself, burying his head in the younger chest.

"I don't want to ever let you go," Jungwon presses a soft kiss atop of Jay's head as his fingers tangle with his faded blonde hair. Though it doesn't hold the same vivid colour it once did Jungwon can't help but find himself longing for it. "Never ever again."