The Rise of the Red Queen

4

I could tell Theodore knew something was off but at the same time I knew he didn't know the enormity of what was off. If he did know I knew there would be hell to pay at his hands based off the fiercely protective look he gives everyone who comes near me. Theodore took me to McDonald's getting me my happy meal and himself food as well so the image of me being a child who wanted company would stay in place. The other three stood on guard fully around the place. I made sure to maintain a happy energetic facade for the other three guards watching. As we were just about finished I told him "Theo always remember what was had played for Zach and other four before my great grandfathers came." Theodore instantly replied quietly "Don't cross the queen." I let that sentence hang in the air between us as I forced myself to finish the entire happy meal before we left.

When we arrived at the therapist's office Viktor was left at the car along with Enzo, the guard from the from the Costa side. Theo had Vincenzo stay by the door of the building as we entered. Theo checked me in and sat beside me until I was called back. He went to follow me in but I stopped him from doing so. Dr. Dryman was very shocked that I was coming in alone and willingly. Once he closed the door I asked for a pen and paper before I'd start talking.  He gave me my desired items and I tore the paper in half writing two quick notes down before asking for two envelopes before labeling them.

Dr. Dryman looked at me very curiously when I finished but didn't say anything.  After a couple minutes passed he finally spoke "Amity why did you need to see me so soon? Are you still doing good? Why didn't you have your dominant come in?" I spoke before he could continue his line of questioning. "Theodore isn't one of dominants. He is my bodyguard. I'm not doing good. I'm far from it. I needed to see you to vent to an unbiased person who won't pass judgment. This morning things came up and changed my original intention of this appointment. So I'll talk willingly without being forced. In exchange you will tell Theodore to come back once I'm safely to another guard. Then, give him these," I said sliding the envelopes across the coffee table.

Once he took the two envelopes I asked, "Will you buy me time? Do we have a deal?" "We do and I will but I can't discuss anything you don't allow. So I need to know what you will let me share," Dr. Dryman acknowledged. "We can go over that after we are done talking. I need at least a fifteen minute window," I stated so I knew what he would say.  "Very well, let's begin. What makes you far from doing good?" Dr. Dryman inquired. "Neglect from each of my dominants and abuse from one of them. I don't know how much you understand about bdsm to know the difference between discipline and abuse in a relationship but there is a crystal clear line drawn in the contract you go over that sets just where the line is drawn. Mark crossed that line by breaking our contract not explaining why he was punishing me to give me a say in the justification of it and again when he didn't provide care for me after he delivered the punishment. Just to note he hit me with a belt which is something I have consented to being hit with and I've had worse hits from all of them. It was his neglect that made it abuse.  There has been so much neglect from all of them it's messing with my head." I explained shocking the doctor once more.

After Dr. Dryman regained his composure he asked, "In what way has the neglect been messing with your head?" "I'm having nightmares again. Although, this time I don't have the comfort of escaping the nightmares when I wake up. A year ago my nightmares where bad memories from being raped a few years prior. Now my nightmares are of them not being with me. I wake up alone, am alone all day, and go to bed alone. I see and interact most with Theodore. He can tell something is wrong but can't help. On top of that I have been hurting myself due to the depression this has caused. There are nights I can't sleep at all due to racing thoughts. I constantly wake up screaming and at times crying from my sleep. I thought I hated panic attacks but I rather have them than this." I divulged.

"How have you been hurting yourself?" Dr. Dryman inquired. "I carved the seven different names they called me into my hips and thighs." I admitted. "Do you want to hurt yourself to what extent?" He questioned. "Three days ago I was about ready to kill myself. Theodore unknowingly stopped me. He helped me live just a little bit that day along with two other guards, Santiago and Felipe," I responded looking straight at him with no shame in what I said.  "And now?" Dr. Dryman pressed. "Now I know help is needed but I'm not ready to accept it. I know my behavior has been a little reckless but I'm not done being reckless. I need out of my house for a bit to be away from my dominants on my terms." I answered.