Punished.

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Chapter 3,

TW//Self-harm, homophobia

~Third person POV~

George sat in his bed, the only thing on his mind being what had just happened.

He's never had a panic attack before, it was a new experience for him.

He hopes he'll never have to experience it again, but he cant help but wonder how Alex managed to deal with them for so long.

George knew he'd never last if he had them as much as Alex did.

-

George keeps replaying it in his mind,

Alex coming in and seeing him vulnerable like that, comforting him and holding him close.

He felt safe in Alex's grasp, he wanted to stay there.

He kind of wished Alex had offered to keep him company for the night, but he knew that would have been weird.

Well maybe not weird,

Gay?

Well why would that even be a bad thing?

-

George isn't homophobic, he knows that.

It's only a bad thing when it comes to his own sexuality.

He wants to be straight, -no he needs to be straight or his family will never accept him.

His father always said,

"People who don't follow gods rules will always be punished"

George sat there for a moment, still trying to convince himself he was straight.

After he had accepted that his thoughts were certainly not straight,

He was still sure he himself was a straight man, and the thoughts were just a one time thing.

-

What his dad had said kept replaying in his head.

"Punished."

George felt tears starting to form, he fought them off and took a deep breath.

"If I punish myself, it will make up for it, and my dad won't hate me."

George wasn't even religious, but his family said those things so often it was almost embedded in his head. His biggest fear was letting them down. (Relatable)

-

He left his room, and went into the bathroom, it was late and he was tired,

But he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep unless he "made things right."

He looked around the bathroom, trying to thing of something to do.

He saw his razor,

He wasn't quite sure what to do with it.

He ran it over his arm but all it did was shave the hair off of his arm.

He took the head off the razor, as if he was going to replace it,

And he did.

But with the spare head he had just taken off, he proceeded to take it apart.

He took out the blade and stared at it, as the shine from the blade reflected his surroundings.

He took a moment to question what he was doing, but remembered what his parents had said.

He needed to do this.

He takes the blade and gently slides it against the smooth, hairless skin on his wrist.

Nothing happened.

He tried again,

Still nothing.

He got frustrated and did it again, but harder this time.

"Fuck" he said, louder than he wanted but couldn't help it, that shit hurt.

At that moment he gets a knock on the bathroom door from Alex.

"Are you alright George? I heard you shout something." Alex asked

"Yeah sorry my eyes are just really puffy, and I hate how it looks" George says, making an excuse on the spot as the blood drips from his arm.

"Um...alright...well make sure to get some sleep, you said you were tired so try not to stay up too long, Goodnight" Alex said as he walked away.

George sighs in relief, but isn't fully relieved as his arm continues to drip, leaving crimson marks on their bathroom floor.

He does it again, just because he thought : "once wasn't enough"

After he was done, he used tissue to clean everything up, and flushed the tissue down the toilet.

He sighs as he leaves the bathroom, being as sneaky as possible so he can make his way over to his room without Alex seeing his arm.

After he made it to his room, he searches his wardrobe for anything long sleeved.

He's lucky to have a few jumpers, not many, but at least some.

He puts one on and finally goes to sleep.

He feels at peace now, thinking he'd made things right.

He had nobody to tell him that, that's not how things work, but he was just raised that way, he couldn't help it.

———————-

Oops that's sad, anyways!

{740 Words}

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