《Ｌｏｖｅ Ｔｈｅｓｅ Ｄａｙｓ》

9. Achilles heel

I was riding with Alex on his motorcycle on our way to Leela's house, who lived in the outskirts of town. It was the day before Luke's birthday and we were going to bake a cake, as I promised.

One of my love languages is giving gifts, so you can imagine how crucial it was for me for that cake to be perfect. The three of us went shopping and then we went on with the project (we took turns to whip cream and to mix the batter). By the time we took it out of the oven, as anyone but we would have expected, the cake looked like shit.

"It's not so bad" Leela tried to comfort me, I was a nervous wreck.

"It's horrendous" I exclaimed.

Alex intervened while we were all standing around the table, staring at the flat cake, "it's for Luke, it's not like it has to look professional or anything."

I turned to him angrily, "I would never give that cake to anyone."

I knew I was giving my best impression of Buddy Valastro but I couldn't help but wanting everything to be perfect for him. Also, I couldn't afford to fix a cake last minute because I had to birthdays on that day.

Do you remember my little monologue at the beginning about my history with Aquarius people? I mentioned a girl? Well, it was also her birthday.

I met Astrid in college, we started working together at first but, by the second year, we had to inevitably part ways and, eventually, she dropped out to pursue a different career. The first thing I noticed about her was how beautiful she was, she had black hair with a bob cut, her skin was tan and she had a characteristic pink birth mark on her forehead. When I started talking to her I noticed she was also incredibly sweet, she was the human form of a sunray. I never had the courage to tell her I liked her, I knew she swung both ways but she had told me she was more into men, so I was scared. I only approached her as a friend but still flirted with her, and she flirted with me all the time, or that's what I thought. Eventually I started to think that maybe she was just joking like straight girls do, so I stopped making moves on her. I got to know her better and realized she wasn't sweet at all on the inside, in fact she was a little mean sometimes, not fond of romantic stuff, and she was brutally honest, she couldn't keep any thought to herself no matter how cruel it was. That made me like her even more, I think at some point I even got to feel love, but one single attitude ended it. Actually it was many things accumulated, but it was one night after spending the whole day at her place, when she said something that fucked me up bad.

"I didn't like the way you were laying all spread out on my bed, I don't like people laying on my bed. Please, don't get mad" she texted me. I almost smashed my phone against the wall after reading the most stupid shit I couldn't have ever imagined.

It wasn't that serious, now that I think about it, but I guess I was just tired of her treating me like a stranger. There were many things she didn't like about me and she made sure I knew every single one of them. She never liked the movies or shows I recommended and she always elaborated in detail every reason why she disliked it, she thought my music was cheesy, she thought astrology was stupid and she absolutely hated whenever I sent her a meme related to that, and she always let me know when my jokes weren't funny. She made me feel bad almost every day, I felt like everything I said or did was wrong, every move with her was on thin ice but I really cared for her, I wanted her in my life to the point where it pushed me to come out to my mother because I was hoping to take her home someday. I loved her and did my best to try, I tried to be fit for her. But I loved her, until I didn't. They say easy they come, easy they go; my love left as swiftly as it came. I got away for a few days until I wasn't mad anymore, and I was ready to be a friend, for real this time. Even thought my feeling for her changed, I still felt a little punch in the guts whenever she mentioned having affairs with other women. I don't think I was jealous, I just think it was a 'why with others but not with me?' type of feeling.