The Five Stages of Gayness

Chapter Sixteen - The Faggot Police

ALEX

Chapter Sixteen

Through the halls, they march triumphantly. They smite evil, rid the world of those they deem unworthy. Their beautiful complexion and perfect blonde hair would stop any person with even the slightest sex drive dead in their tracks. They are righteous warriors of God, keeping the kids of Clint safe from harm.

They are the faggot police.

I pulled up in the school parking lot in my Impala on a cloudy november tuesday. There was a slight chill in the air. It was nearing American Thanksgiving. For some reason, Canadians and Americans celebrated Thanksgiving on different days. I never understood that. In the US, the friday before Thanksgiving was Black Friday, and everything would be on sale. Back home, all the American companies, in accordance with their traditions, had a sale on Black Friday... a month after the holiday was over. It was all very confusing.

I suppose I was used to school at that point. Walk in, get a cup of ice and artificial flavouring in the face, get hit a couple times, go to classes, leave. I didn't like it, but I could handle it. I should've expected what was going to happen. Whenever I started to tolerate things, the universe would kick it up a notch.

I walked into the building, fully prepared for the wet cherry-flavoured blob that hit my face, splattering all over my black jacket.

Come on guys. You couldn't be creative for once?

I wiped my face with my hand as a couple freshman footballers ran away laughing. I blinked a couple times, casting the remnants of the Slushie from my eyes. They suddenly widened in surprise as I took in the scene in front of me. I was most definitely not expecting this.

The foyer was decorated with a variety of signs. "Homos go to hell!" And "Rid the school of sodomy!" As well as Leviticus 18:22 were printed on huge pieces of coloured cardboard hanging on the walls. But it wasn't the declarations that caught my eye. It was the group of people standing beside them. They were all wearing black T-shirts with the words "Faggot Police" printed on them in bold white letters. Some people held crosses, others Bibles. But most surprisingly, some held signs with a clear picture where Mitch and I were unmistakably kissing.

My mouth dropped in horror as I saw the self-righteous crowd milling about. In all the drama with Adams and listening to my parents yell at each other for hours, I'd completely forgotten about the innocent kiss I'd shared with the lanky football player in the school parking lot. This was not going to turn out well.

Zach stepped out of the mass, holding a blue bullhorn. A couple football guys and cheerleaders were standing next to him. He cleared his troat.

"Attention Clint High!" People who had been minding their business stopped in their tracks at the sound of his commanding shout. "There has been a disgusting act of sodomy committed in the parking lot of our very own school. What if there had had been children present? What if those children had gotten any ideas? We need to stand up for our rights! We need this obscenity removed! We need to fight back!"

At his words, a cheer went up. People waved their crosses and Bibles, wholeheartedly agreeing with his statement. Surprisingly, Adams was nowhere to be seen.

I saw Mitch attempt to sneak in through a door that was closer to the side. It was in vain, unfortunately. He was quickly singled out by Zach who brandished his cross like a weapon.

"Mitch, how could you do this? You know God hates queers! So why would you go and be one?"

I bubbled with rage at these words. I could see Mitch's face turn a deep red color.