The Five Stages of Gayness

Chapter Seventeen - God's Work

ADRIEL

Chapter Seventeen

Stage three: Bargaining - The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.

"Adams?"

I instantly recognized Alex's voice behind me and turned me head to face him, my feet still hanging over the edge of the cliff. Confusion washed over my features.

"Alex? What are you doing here? You should be at school," I remarked. He raised an eyebrow.

"I could tell you the same thing," he said pointedly.

I'd left school because I couldn't look at those pictures of Alex kissing Mitch. Alex. Mitch. Alex kissed Mitch. My best friend and the guy I liked. Together. But why? I thought we had something, I thought lamely.

You fucking idiot. How could you think he'd even consider you? Alex Carter is way too good for you. He deserves better.

Just thinking about it hurt. I felt a pain in my chest. It was worse than anything I'd ever felt before. These past few months had been a roller coaster of emotion. And I wanted out.

"Let's not mention this to the teachers," Alex suggested. I nodded.

"Agreed."

I sighed.

"So you and Mitch, huh?" I said nonchalantly. "Never would've guessed."

He raised his eyes to the heavens in exasperation.

"We're not together. It was just a kiss."

Yeah, sure, I thought, resuming my pensive staring into the distance.

"You could fall off the cliff, you know," He cautioned. I laughed bitterly.

"Do I look like I care?" I said harshly. His gaze grew even more somber. The skinny kid moved to sit beside me, hanging his legs over the edge beside mine. He looked me straight in the eyes.

"As a matter of fact, I think you do. As well you should." The wind pushed the black hair out of his deep blue eyes. All I saw in them was concern. There was no malice or hatred. I ran a hair through my short dirty blond locks.

"Unfortunately, you may be right. I'm afraid of death. Life sucks, but death is a mystery, and I don't want to take that chance. The devil you know, as they say." I sighed bitterly. "I'm just a coward."

"To be or not to be, that is the question," He whispered reverently.

"Whether 'tis nobler of the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them? To die: to sleep," I finished. "Hamlet's Soliloquy, Hamlet, William Shakespeare. Quite a beautiful piece."

Alex looked at me, surprised.

"You know Shakespeare?" He asked. I shrugged.

"A bit. I actually really like acting." I frowned. "I don't know why I just told you that. I don't usually confess my desire to be an actor to people I barely know."

I'd wanted to act from a very young age. As a child, I liked to pretend to be other people. To mimick their voice and mannerisms as best I could. I thought I got my father down pretty well. I was in a few school plays in elementary. My father had been angry when he found out that I was wasting my time with such foolish things. So when I was fourteen, he signed me up for the football team so that I could be a real man. And the rest, as they say, is history.