The Five Stages of Gayness

Chapter Twenty-One - One Step Forward

ADRIEL

Chapter Twenty-One

"Adriel Adams," Alex began, a slight edge of command in his tone. "What does you heart want?" I didn't have time to think, to carefully plan out a deliberate answer. I just spoke.

"You," I breathed softly. Instantly, I felt the blood drain from my face. The other boy looked just as shocked as I felt. For a few seconds, we just sat there, trying to process what I'd said.

"What?" He whispered.

The moment was broken. I was freed from my stupor. Instead of answering, I got up. It was like I was a spectator in my own body and some other force was controlling my actions. A part of me felt deep remorse, starting to pray frantically. But somehow, another part felt weightless and free. It was out there. Well, partly. But I wasn't going to deal with the consequences.

"Adriel?" Alex asked. Instead of answering, the force just made me walk away, heading out the door. And I didn't fight it. I just let my legs carry me where they wanted to. I heard Alex call after me, I heard the metallic jangling of coins being thrown on the table, I heard the little bell ring as I left the restaurant, I heard heavy footsteps and panting breath getting closer to me. Still, I walked. I turned around the side of the squat building. I'd just made it to the back of the establishment when I felt a hand grab my shoulder and turn me around. I faced Alex.

He was out of breath from trying to catch up with me. My long legs walked surprisingly fast. His eyes were pleading, the command gone from his manner. When it came to us, I was never quite sure who was in control, though I suspected it was usually Alex. He was a master at getting me to talk. He was usually subtly guiding our encounters, and I didn't mind it one bit.

"Adriel, don't leave," He begged. "I just want to talk."

"Well, I don't." I still didn't leave, however. My mind was screaming at me to get out of here, but something about him had captured me.

"Too bad." He sighed. "Did you really mean that?" I said nothing. I didn't want to lie, but at the same time, I didn't have the strength to say it again. He seemed to understand my silence, stepping closer. "I feel the same, you know," His warm breath brushed my face. It smelled like fried food and woodsmoke.

I desperately tried to calm my racing heartbeat, to no avail. I found myself stepping closer to him. Our faces were barely inches apart.

"You do?" I whispered. Our lips brushed, sending shivers down my spine. I felt his hand rest on mine.

"I do."

Our lips firmly pressed against each other, and I kissed him, hard. I finally felt it. This was what I'd been missing. Finally, it felt right. And I couldn't get enough. I moved my lips against his, enjoying every second of it. This was so, so, wrong. They all thought it was. But I didn't care.

His tongue slid along my bottom lip, and I gladly let him in. I felt myself get pushed against the the back wall of Barney's, and Alex pressed more on me. I moaned into his mouth and grabbed the back of his head, pushing him deeper. Fuck, I wanted more than this. Needed it.

After a few more seconds, he pulled away, panting. His lips were red and swollen. Mine were probably worse.

"Please, Alex. Please, don't stop." I was surprised at the meekness in my voice. I had tried to sound commanding, but I was reduced to nothing by his lips.

"Not here."

He started walking away, urging me to follow him. I caught up to him easily. I had the urge to twist my fingers in his, but I refrained. He hadn't said no, I realized. His words still held a promise of something to come.