The Five Stages of Gayness

Chapter Twenty-Two - Wake Up

ALEX

Chapter Twenty-Two

I took a deep breath as my alarm went off, wanting to conserve the beautiful sensation of sleep. It was so nice and warm under the covers. The dream I'd had was so nice. I didn't ever want to wake up. I was wrapped around a warm form. I opened my eyes, staring at the back of Adriel's dirty blonde head. With a reluctant groan, I slid out of the covers, stretching out my stiff limbs. I turned around, shaking Adriel's shoulder.

"Hey, you gotta wake up."

I heard a muffled sound come from the sleeping teen.

"Wake up!" I exclaimed, shaking harder. His head lifted blearily.

"Wha' time is it?" He mumbled sleepily. I shrugged.

"7:04," I answered, glancing at the clock. "A.M."

Suddenly he hopped out of bed.

"Shit!" He exclaimed. "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," He mumbled. "I didn't go home last night."

He bent over, searching around for his clothes. He was only wearing his boxers from last night. So was I. He stood up straight, struggling to hop into his jeans. The guy's abs never ceased to amaze me. Maybe if I played football three times a week, I'd start looking like that too. He didn't even stop to zip up or button his pants before he started looking for his shirt.

"Hey, where are you going?" I asked. "School doesn't start 'til 9:00." I prepared myself for another fit of denial, how this was all such a huge mistake, how it would never happen again (though it invariably would), but I didn't get any of that.

"I..." He trailed off. "I have to go."

"So do you regret this?" I asked, bracing myself for a terrible answer.

He finally found his shirt and slipped it on.

"Do you?" He redirected the question back to me.

"Honestly?" I paused, allowing him to nod. "I kind of do. I kind of regret ever starting this. I can't see any way this could end well. But I somehow want to try." I wanted to say so much more, but I couldn't.

He seemed taken aback by my answer. I squeezed his hand.

"Maybe we can't make it in the long term. Who cares? This kind of feeling doesn't come around every day. We might as well make the most of it. Let's enjoy it while it lasts."

He kissed me softly, lingering longer than he should.

"You're probably right," he said, finally pulling away. We had an expiry date. That was painfully clear. And the clock was ticking. "I really do have to leave, though. Can't be late for beat-up-Alex-Carter-time," He chuckled softly. I realized that the man I loved would have to turn back into the man I hated if we wanted to stay together. He gave me a soft peck on the forehead and left as I fell back down onto the bed. It would be even harder for me to hear him spew hate at me. I knew Adriel could handle the act. If anyone was going to give it away, it was going to be me.

I slowly got dressed in my regular black skinny jeans and band T-shirt, trying to postpone the inevitable. The feeling of his lips still lingered on mine. With a sigh, I made my way downstairs. Heading to the kitchen, I brushed my bangs with my fingers. They probably looked okay. I didn't care that much. I didn't particularly feel like looking nice today.

I grabbed a banana off the counter, not hungry for more. I slowly peeled it, slightly smiling at the symbolism of eating it. Shrugging, I took a bite anyways, chewing slowly. I glanced at my watch. 7:26.

I heard footsteps and turned to see who it was. Dad. Of course.

"Hey, Alex," He called. "How're you doing?" He asked. I nodded, walking over to him.