Jalex oneshots

I Swear This Time I Mean It

Alex has trouble expressing his feelings.

<< Alex's POV >>

"I wish we could get away." I said suddenly, looking over at Jack. It's 3am and we're laying on the top of our tour bus, looking up at the sky. We can barely see any stars because of the light pollution, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of them.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked cluelessly, looking over at me. There's plenty of room up here, but our arms are pressed together.

"I wanna go out further to see the stars, I want more." I reply, watching the confusion never leave his face. He knows I love looking up at the stars, but he's never understood it. "I think clearly looking up at the stars, the more there are the more I feel."

Jack smiles at me, making my chest flutter. "Then let's go." I frown at his words.

"But we have to drive to our next show soon." I look at him sadly. We're probably cutting it close enough as it is, Matt had yelled at us earlier.

Jack nods, his eyes flickering down to think before he looks back to me, "What do you think about?"

I hesitate. I think about him. I think about kissing him, I think about holding his hand, I think about laying on his chest, I think about running away with him, I think about a life by his side, and I think about all the small things he does no one else notices. I notice them. "Just stuff."

Jack scoffs, "No shit, what stuff?" He moves impossibly closer to me. He can't see it but my cheeks go pink, unable to look away from him. His eyes are so pretty, they're easy to get lost in. "You can talk to me, you know you can, I won't judge whatever it is."

Yes he will, I know he will. That's not just an anxious thought, it's a fact.

I was thinking about telling him I'm in love with him, and I know he'll judge me if I do. I told him once before when we were younger and I was drunk, then I laughed at him and told him I was joking. I was stupid and ignorant. I never forgot the look of heartbreak on his face when I laughed at him. It's been a long time since then, I know his feelings are long gone. I didn't realize it until later, but I did feel the same way, I was too scared to say anything. I've been thinking a lot about it recently, being with him makes the thoughts come back ten times harder.

"I'll talk about it when I'm ready." I came up with the answer, hoping he'll take it. He does.

"Okay, Alex." He says softly. I watch him yawn and close his eyes, smiling at how cute he looks. He turns on his side, still facing me with closed eyes. I know he's been tired for a while, he has since we left the venue. The show had been wild and Jack always got high on adrenaline, he often pushes past his limit.

I turn on my side too, admiring his pretty face. I start humming a song I started listening to recently, wanting desperately to take Jack's hand in mine. Eventually I start singing it from the beginning, hoping he's asleep.

The only sound that can be heard is passing by cars and me singing 'I Swear This Time I Mean It' by Mayday Parade. I know he's asleep when he lets out a small snore, making me laugh during the chorus. Morning seems so far away.

Then I muster up the courage, and I put my hand on his. I smile widely, scooting closer to him. Our noses are close to touching, but I don't get any closer than that. I close my eyes, not feeling very tired, just taking everything in. Occasionally I feel his breath against my lips, hardly noticeable.

I haven't been this near to him in a long time. The last time was a few years ago at a show, I kissed him on stage. I don't know why I did it, nor did I see his reaction to it, but I got butterflies when it happened. I can play things off on stage, but not outside of it. If he were to wake up, I'd be fucked. Part of me wants him to wake up, but part of me wants him to stay asleep and never know a thing that happens now.