Promise Flower

Lilly

Midterms have come and gone, thankfully without much hair loss. I've been trying to practice shooting film more because I still haven't gotten a single A in that class and it's becoming discouraging. I know I can do better, but it's still not happening so I'm shooting any and everything I can to improve.

Jimin is acing everything as usual and getting constant praise from his students for being a great teacher and choreographer. It's well deserved but I'm starting to think that it's putting more pressure on him. Any time he's asked to stay a little later to help someone, or if he's asked to help with the choreo for someone's solo project he can't find it in his heart to say no.

He's getting more and more drained and worn out, and despite me telling him that it's ok to say no for the sake of his own well-being, he still agrees to do more above and beyond things for anyone who asks. His big heart is becoming a double edged sword and I worry for him at times.

This Saturday he agreed to go to the performance one of his students is doing for a small event. It's nothing major but the student is wanting Jimin to give feedback on her overall stage presence. He told me this doesn't count as him doing too much since it's just a small performance, but I'm not sure he's being honest with himself. He takes these things very seriously whether it's required of him or not.

I'm trying very hard to get him to see reason and at the same time ease the stress he has piling up on his shoulders, but now I'm feeling stressed myself. Between my photo class constantly beating me down and Jimin's constant unease, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by everything. I know I can't fix anything for him, I can only give him my honest advice and support him regardless of what he chooses to do. But that doesn't stop me from feeling a bit of heartache watching him slowly lose the sunshine within him.

His big bright smile grows dimmer each day. His frown falls deeper each time he agrees to help someone when he knows he needs a rest. It breaks my heart knowing that I can't fix it for him. I can't force him to do anything, but sometimes I badly want to.

I'm starting so see how he felt when he tried to do anything he could to make me feel better. It was suffocating, but that's all he knew how to do and so he tried his damndest to make me smile. It makes me feel much more worse about how I yelled at him that night. If he felt an ounce of the way I feel now then he must have really been hurting.

"I'm sorry," I say softly as I sit on my bed zoning out.

"What?" Jimin asks from my desk. I was so lost in my head I nearly forgot he was there.

"Oh, umm nothing," I stutter trying to come back to earth.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I was just thinking about the night I yelled at you. I feel bad for doing that."

"It's ok, love," he says getting up and sitting next to me. "I already forgave you for that."

"I know, I just still feel sorry."

I wanted to say that I feel sorry because I know how he felt. I'm feeling it now and I want nothing more than to fix things for him. But my phone rings cutting me off before I can say more.

My mom is calling which isn't unusual for a Friday evening, but typically she sends a text first to make sure I'm not busy or out somewhere. I pick up the phone thinking it may be some sort of emergency.

"Hey mom," I say hoping she's not about to tell me something bad.

"Hey, are you busy?" My mom responds. She sounds calm so that's good.

"No, what's up?"

"I wanted to let you know that Keri had the baby."

"Oh." I don't care, I really don't.