Craaven

Chapter 44: Mortemville, Montana 1991 October 20th (4 years later)

It's been a while. It almost feels weird writing now but the nostalgia of doing so almost every day keeps me going. It's strangely comforting to be able to write down my thoughts after so long of not being able to talk to someone in person. Obviously, I talk to Steve about how I'm feeling but he doesn't know that I'm still squatting at Rosewood to look after Max, which is the source of most of my stress and frustrations. I've kept everything to myself all these years so it feels like a weight being lifted off my shoulders as I write.

Staying completely hidden in Rosewood has gotten significantly harder than the first time I've done this. The Lockwoods are much more vigilant now and don't take any odd noise lightly. They always seem to be keeping an eye out for anything strange and, after our initial battle four years ago, they've installed security alarms and cameras around the perimeter of the building. Luckily, it didn't take me very long to find a way around all the security measures taken but it's still extremely difficult to maintain my secrecy.

It seems like the only time I can really let my guard down is when I'm with Steve, which is where I am any chance I can get. Any day he has a day off, I'm always with him. He recently moved out of the house he and his roommates share and he now lives alone with a playful husky dog.

I've never been happier to have anyone in my life. Steve honestly completes me and whenever I'm with him, my problems all immediately disappear. Every visit I make, no matter how terribly I'm feeling, he always manages to make it a good day. One of our favourite activities to do together is camping or cooking and we always end up having more fun every single time we do these activities.

Having him in my life makes living the way I do a hundred times more bearable. If I'm feeling stressed about my situation, I can always look forward to seeing him again and magically, dealing with my problems becomes easier and I can continue on for another day without giving up.

I'm surprised that Max isn't even the most difficult part of my scheme. In fact, he's actually the easiest. He's a shockingly smart kid, so he knows what to do in case I'm in danger of being caught and he knows what to say to avoid suspicion. We were both lucky that Lucy never started directing her abuse towards Max; the worst that happened after the incident was him being grounded for a long while and being dragged to therapy to sort out his "issues" regarding me. Obviously, this therapist found nothing wrong with him but Lucy isn't convinced.

Despite not being harshly punished by his mother, Max is still unfortunately distant and weary around her. I feel guilty about his thoughts towards his parents because I feel that if I hadn't done the things I did, he would still trust them like any normal kid should. I didn't mean for him to start resenting his parents, even though Lucy more than deserves being hated by her beloved son for the things she's done; Max deserves to be able to love his parents and have them love him back like any other child. I know what it's like being a child without loving parents and I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy.

I try to be as much of a good "parental figure" as possible so he still has at least someone to look up to and I'd like to say I'm doing a good job. We always have lots of fun whenever we hang out, whether it be just talking, playing video games, or even making him the coolest kid in town because he has a "pet" raven. His friends enjoy playing around with me during recess or after school and I actually quite like the attention and the happiness that it brings Max.

And sometimes, if Max is lucky enough for his mum to say yes to him hanging out with friends after school, we'll walk over to Steve's house to relax for a while. Max likes to play with Steve's dog in the backyard and it gives Steve and me some time to catch up and share a few kisses.

All in all, aside from constantly having to hide from the Lockwoods, things are pretty much as normal and problem-free as they can possibly get. Max's nightmares have even pretty much stopped and he's now finally able to sleep with the help of medication for insomnia. It's almost as if the events that led up to the fight four years ago had never even happened. I became a repressed memory to the Lockwoods, only ever appearing whenever one of them is talking about some incident in the past. I'm just a ghost and I quite prefer it that way.