So how long you plan on us staying here playing house? Did you see those kids' faces? Do you see the way they looked at me? I'm not supporting six kids. We get the DNA results tomorrow. It'll prove Liam's not Frank's. ROBERTA: That way if this shithead changes his mind, he can't ever try and take Liam back. MONICA: Quiet. Quiet. They're sleeping. We are going to make a great family, baby. I'm going to take care of you and Liam like Frank never could. (giggling, murmuring) ROBERTA: Possession is 9/10th's of the law. (squealing in distance) FIONA: It's so quiet. It's nice, right? Yeah. DEBBIE (over baby monitor): It has to be E-6. It's the only spot left big enough for a carrier. CARL: No, it's not... (kids shouting) Monica didn't even bother to read to them or tuck them in. She probably forgot to use Liam's ass cream, too. DEBBIE: Yes, it is. You're cheating again! CARL: No, I'm not! FIONA: Carl, go back to your room. Debbie, go to sleep. School tomorrow. We're almost done. You both brush your teeth? DEBBIE AND CARL: Yes...! Carl? Go. Now. Night, Carl. Night, Fiona. Love you. Love you, Fiona. FIONA: Love you, too. And no reading under the covers. (Debbie sighs) Monica, Carl needs something from you. Here. What? What's this? LIP: Permission slip. Oh. You're going to the aquarium! When? CARL: Today. I need ten dollars. What for? Admission fee. School doesn't pay for that? LIP: No; and he'll need money for food. Grab him an instant oatmeal and a Pop-Tart. Makes a great lunch. Deb, what are you doing? I'm looking for a poster board and markers. I'm running for re-election. Ian, could you help her? If you all would tell me these things the night before, it would be a little better in the morning. I need 40 bucks. ROBERTA: No. Bob, do you have a five? In... in my wallet. Where it's gonna stay. (murmurs) Look, I need a new calculus textbook. I can get it used; only costs 20. IAN: Where are our lunches? Huh? Um... What is everybody looking at? Start spreading peanut butter on bread. Right. So... Okay. Where's the jelly? (clamoring voices) f*cking Monica. She can barely cook an egg. She didn't even make them lunches. Now she's got them leaving for school late while that fat lesbian sits on her ass doing nothing. All right. It's freezing in here. Go over and help out. f*ck her! She's driving you crazy. I'm fine. All right, then it's driving me crazy. Believe me, I'll be back over there soon enough. You get any sleep last night? She left Carl at Oktoberfest until November. This is a woman who b*rned a hole in Liam's footie pajamas when she fell asleep smoking while nursing. She came back. She's a flake. Okay? She never called. She never came by. She never sent those kids a f*cking birthday card! Must've been hard when she left. Destroyed the kids. I meant you. (laughs) I wept tears of joy. We need a couch. You should talk to a lawyer. (laughing) Oh, right. I can't keep food on the table, but I'm hiring a lawyer. Just to find out what Monica can and can't do. Here, you know what? I gotta get to work. Hup! Catch! Wha...? What's this? Your own cell phone. I told you I don't want you buying me stuff. It's what couples do. (clicks his tongue) Get us a couch. Okay. Um... Okay! Everyone... We won't be here when you get home from school. Why? What? Fiona always tells us why. None of your damn business why. Bob! Your mother told you to go, so go! MONICA: Out. Go on, guys. I'll catch up. Bye. Bye. (Liam and Roberta giggle) I don't care what the f*cking DNA test says. You're not taking Liam. (scoffs) We'll see about that. Yeah, we will. We having a problem, Phillip?! I dunno... Bob! Let's see. You're camped out in my house, you're f*cking my mother, and you're talking about stealing my baby brother. Why would we have a problem? Boy, I will kick your... Stop it! Hey! And congratulations, Mom. You always knew how to pick 'em. MONICA: Lip! Lip! Lip! Please stop! Please! We haven't had a chance to talk. Don't worry about it. No, I do. I... Oh, geez. I don't know where to start. How to explain. I worry about you. (panting) I think about you all the time. I miss you. There's so much I want to ask you. How's school? You were always so smart. My Lip. I know you can do anything. I'm so sorry I hurt you. (sobbing): Oh, look at me. Next time you're thinking about dropping in, don't. You've f*cked up our lives enough already. Touched By An Angel marathon on the Hallmark Channel this weekend. Ooh, I always liked that one. Mm-hmm. Except the Irish lady. She's weird. g*n marathon on TBS, too. Think we could get it painted? The car. Anything you want, Princess. I am just so proud of you for deciding to go to the Purity Ball and letting me protect you the way Jesus intended, huh? Have fun at school, sweetie. Bye, Mom. Oh! Frank. I made Belgian crepes with raspberries, and there's a little maple syrup for you. Uh, can't. I'm late. Where you going? I told you. I'm picking up Monica, going to the city clerk's office, signing the settlement and getting the money. So... Monica? Yes, Monica. You want me to get the money, don't you? Is that the only reason? Yes. Frank? Are you coming home for dinner? Absolutely. You sure? Yes, Yes. I'm late. I'm late. (car engine starts) f*ck. Thank God we're leaving tomorrow. I don't think I can. Yes, you can. These kids need me. They're fine. You didn't see Lip? How brokenhearted he was? Oh, honey, he'll get over it. We can't take Liam from his brothers and sisters. He's coming with us. No. The universe is giving me a sign. An opportunity to be the mother I never could be. I always felt guilty about leaving those kids. I'm... I'm-I'm better now. I think I can handle it. Yeah. Look at me. Monica! Look... Uh-uh. Look at me. When we met, you were like a b*at dog, barely hanging on by a thread. I am stronger now. But for how long if we stay here, baby? For how long, hmm? (laughs) We're getting the DNA results, then we're leaving with Liam. Oh-ho. I hope I'm not interrupting a pajama party, Moni. That's what you ladies do when you're together, right? Pillow fights and the like? You wish you had a dick as big as mine. I am a man of ample girth and length. (snorts) Ask Moni. If I seem unimpressive in my Wranglers, it's because I'm a grower, not a shower. But trust me, when it's time to show, I grow. Come on, Mrs. G. Let's hit the road. Frankie's got some moolah coming his way. Change of plans, Frankie. Monica's not signing those papers until you get Lip, Fiona and the kids on board with us taking Liam. What? - Monica needs to know that the kids aren't going to hate her. It's too late. They already hate her. Don't push it, Frank. We could be asking for the spousal support and half the settlement money. Fine. Where's Fiona? MONICA: Next door. She moved in with Steve. Who the f*ck is Steve? Oh, God... That time of the year again, Jasper? Yeah, just like Christmas, Frank. I know you've been naughty. Stop following me. Got my camcorder right here. Just a matter of time before I catch you. f*ck off. How's Mickey doing? They still have him at the jail ward over at County. You been over to visit him? Nah. Those d*ke guards pat you down like amateur gynecologists. How's Kash? Couple of the Neighborhood Watch ladies came by the store, offered to throw him a parade. Hmm. Kash had better move his family back to Baghdad before Mickey gets out. He's from Evanston. Won't be nearly far enough. Mandy... Lip. It's a nice outfit. What is that... uh, pirate wench? You like? What's your third period? Health. Why? Think we need to miss some school. See you. Tony? Somebody bought Mr. Harris' house? Windows aren't boarded up anymore. Yeah. Somebody did. Who? Steve. Yeah. Hope he can get the smell out. Harris was dead on the toilet a long time before we found him. What was that about? Come on. You're good? Shit! Careful, careful, careful, careful. Stop it! Ow! I got it. I got it. Okay, girl power. And down, down, down, down, down, down, down. Oh. Oh. Oh, sorry. FRANK: Nice couch. What the hell, Frank? Steve needs new locks. You broke in? Living with the boyfriend. What? She won't sign my settlement until you and the kids stop harassing her over Liam. We're not harassing her. The boy needs to be with his mother. He is with his mother till she decides to take off again. You obviously don't care. You've moved into this love nest. I didn't move. I'm staying here until your wife f*ck up. What your mother and I decide to do with our son Liam is our business, Fiona, not yours. I am getting that money! So? I think he might be serious. Hey, Frank. f*ck! Yo, Frank. Sheila called and "is making your favorite dinner... pot roast." Sheila's making you pot roast? Oh, that's so sweet. Oh, and hey, that Jasper guy was hanging around again, asking questions about you. Aah! Wanted to know how you felt. If you were back to work, that sort of thing. f*cking disability guy. He's outside right now. Been following me around all morning. I told him you were training for a marathon. Every year that shithead tries to trip me up, stop my disability check. I finally get some luck, and this douche with a video cam has to show up. You don't have any luck. Hello! Settlement money. Thank you. If I can get Monica away from Rosie Greer long enough to sign the g*dd*mn thing! Yeah, well, my guess... Bob won't let Monica out of her sight. She did look beautiful, though, didn't she? Really keeping herself up. Uh-huh. Yeah, what about, uh, Sheila and the pot roast? (laughs) She's like mouth herpes... the gift that keeps on giving. No. Monica is my soul mate. We just click. Two lesbians at home and the promise of cash. Maybe your luck has changed, Frank. Nah. (Tommy laughs) Nah. What are we looking for? How to override parental rights. We thinking DCFS or attorneys? Attorneys. I should have done this when I turned 18. Frank was so broken after Monica left, he would have signed anything. Here's someone. Mark Rydell. He'll fight for you when you can't fight for yourself. Asian cowboy? Don't think so. Oh, what about that lady? The one that helped get Carl and Debbie back when Frank locked them in that car at Indian bingo. Micha Davis. Is this her? Looks like she just shit in her pants. (laughing) Keep looking. Ah. There's one. Christine Dowling. Attractive, professional... And she looks like she might actually have a law degree. Let's call her. IAN: Where'd you get the car? LIP: Borrowed it from Steve. Been working with him a bit. Doing what? (sighs) Oh, better not let Fiona find out about it, or she'll k*ll you... and him. You doing okay? Lot going on. Yeah. It's weird having Monica back. Yeah. Yeah, that, too. What? Something else? It's kind of hard to explain. Try me. Mickey's gay, and we're doing it. And Kash sh*t Mickey because of me, but Mickey would rather go to juvie than admit he's gay. So, I'm doing both Kash and Mickey. Well, not so much Kash lately. But when Kash and me were hot and heavy, Linda found out about it, and is blackmailing Kash into having another kid. Holy shit. Yeah. IAN: Here they come. I think I'm gonna go see him today. Who? Kash? No. Mickey. He's in jail awaiting sentencing. I want to know what I have to do to adopt my toddler brother and possibly my other siblings, as well, and raise them as my own. Are both your parents still alive? Yes. Incompetent? Very. Okay, well, you're talking about vacating their parental rights and becoming legal guardian of how many? Five. Oh, that's a lot of kids. You know, the law's pretty strict regarding parental rights. You'd need to prove incompetence. Do you have a case? How much time do you have? I have a folder. You got a folder. Okay. (clears throat) Well, it looks like your mother... Monica. ...Monica left a couple of years ago? 21 and a half months. Is she back now? Sort of. And your father, Frank Gallagher... Wow. He's a live one. Drinker? Yeah. Uh, do you make federal poverty level wages for a family of six? How much is that? 30 grand a year or so. (sputters) So you don't earn enough money to support them, and we'd have to prove your parents incompetent? Listen, I know it bites the big one, but the best case scenario is the county places your brothers and sisters in foster care while you and your father fight over custody. (sighs) Mrs. Gallagher? MONICA: Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. (sighs) He's Frank's. (Liam babbles) What?! Frank's the father. How the f*ck is this possible? I don't know. I always thought I got pregnant when I did E with that bouncer at the Zebra Lounge. I-I woke up naked. The law's still on our side. What? You're the mother. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So, we find Frank today, tell him we'll sign his settlement papers in exchange for him signing over his parental rights. After that, there ain't a damn thing Fiona can do about it. Come on, Monica. He's not ruining my f*cking family. I swear to God, he's not going to take my son away from me. f*ck this shit! Wow. They look unhappy. Yeah. Two women who just left must not have not been happy with the news they got, huh? Oh, yeah. Happens. Had a guy last month hang himself from a pipe in the men's room. So, can I help you? Yeah, uh, I think, uh... I think maybe you can. ♪ ♪ (brakes squeal) ♪ ♪ How long you gonna keep this up, Jasper? Well, as long as it takes this time. Insurer is sick and tired of paying you. They know you're faking. Gonna pay me a thousand bucks for proving it. Hey, Jasper. FRANK (calls): Monica! You here? I talked to Fiona! Everything's good! Monica! Bleh.
