Consider Yourself Lucky

Twenty-Four

Thankfully, when we go back to the front of the store there still aren't any customers. That would have been a little embarrassing. I didn't expect to have all the old feelings flood back as soon as I saw him. Or maybe it was when he touched my stomach. I want him to be able to have a connection with his baby. No matter what happened between us, I have a feeling he's going to be a great father.

"So, Tuesday at ten-thirty?"

"Yes, Tuesday at ten-thirty. I have a prenatal appointment and an ultrasound. If you want to just be there for the ultrasound that's okay. They have a waiting room."

"I want to be there for all of it. Every appointment and every milestone. I want to be a present father." It almost sounds like he's begging which breaks my heart because I would never keep him from being involved. I smile and turn to walk out of the store.

"Addy." I spin back around and raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to say what he was going to say. "I know you said you didn't want to focus on us right now, but I really want you to hear what I have to say." I don't think I'm ready for that right now. Now I'm thinking about if our little office moment is something I should have done or not. I don't know what was going through my mind. Clearly only one thing.

"Um, for now can we just keep it about the baby? My hormones are going to get really out of control, and I don't want to say or do anything else I might regret."

"Wait, do you regret what we just did?" I don't know. At first, I didn't but the more and more I think about it, maybe I shouldn't have given in too quickly.

"I will see you on Tuesday." I walk out of the store, and I don't look back. When I get into my car, I can see him watching me through the window but trying not to seem noticeable. As I drive away, I realize I should probably let him explain himself. We are about to have a child together and I don't want any bad tension between us if we are going to have a healthy co-parenting relationship. A lot of things hit me all at once on the drive back home. I'll need to go back to working as many hours as I can and manage my college classes so I'm not stressing myself out. While I have a good chunk of money put away, babies are expensive. Between diapers, wipes, clothes, furniture, bottles, and anything else they need. I just know this baby is going to be spoiled and want for nothing. They'll have everything they could ever ask for and more.

When I get home, Grandma has piles and piles of pictures from my childhood spread across the kitchen table. There's another box on the chair and every time she reaches into it, more and more pictures are thrown out in front of her. I sit in the chair across from her and pick up each picture one by one. One picture catches my eye. I don't think I've ever seen it before but then again there's so many I can't keep track of them all. It's a picture of a young lady about fifteen or sixteen with brunette hair and a pale complexion. She's standing next to a guy maybe about a couple years older than her, with his blonde hair parted straight down the middle. He's hugging her from the side, but his smile looks fake as if he didn't want his picture taken. The woman looks uncomfortable. The picture is slightly blurry so it could just be that however, I don't think the quality of the picture would put a certain expression on someone's face. I pick the picture up to take a closer look.

"Grandma, who are these people?" I turn the picture around so she can see which one I'm talking about. She has a puzzled look on her face as if she's never seen this picture before in her life. But she had to of. I recognize some of the other pictures but not all of them. They must have been in a different box aside from everything else.

"Well, that woman is your mom, but I don't think I know who that man is. Maybe it was a friend from school. She was a wild child at times and made friends with anyone that would spark a conversation." I wonder where this picture has been and why I've never seen it. I would have remembered seeing something like this. I've gone through these pictures hundreds of times with Grandma and not once has this one ever been among the rest. Grandma looks at me over her reading glasses and hands me another picture.

"Do you remember this one?" It's a photo of me at the top of a big metal slide. I remember it perfectly. It was in the middle of winter, and it was absolutely freezing outside. Grandma had taken me to the park to go sledding since it had snowed the day before. I was all bundled up with my snow suit on and a jacket over it. I remember my hands being so cold that Grandma put two pairs of gloves on me. The slide was covered with snow and nobody else had gone down it. I wanted to be the one to slide down into the big pile at the bottom. I climbed the stairs all by myself and stood at the top feeling so accomplished. I remember specifically telling Grandma I was the queen of the snow lands and I had to make a grand entrance by sliding right through the snow. She had me wait at the top so she could take a picture. When I slid down the slide, all the ice and snow piled more and more in front of me until I hit the bottom. I looked like a snowman that came to life. I had so much fun that day.

"Of course, I do. I was the queen of the snow lands." Grandma laughs and picks up another photograph. It's me wrapped in a baby blanket with my eyes wide open. I can't believe I'll have photos of my child like these ones within the next year.

"I know it's still early and a healthy baby is a perfect baby, but what are you hoping for?" I've had a feeling ever since I had that delivery room dream that it was a sign, I'll have a baby girl. Oh, how I hope it's true. Don't get me wrong, I would be happy with a boy either way but something about having a little girl to love just sounds so special.

"If I had to choose, I would have to say girl. All the little outfits and nursery themes are so much cuter for a girl. Speaking of nursery, do you think I could turn the spare room into one? I know it's used for storage right now, but I could go through everything and even have a garage sale for stuff we don't use. Only if that's okay with you."

"Of course, it's okay with me. I will turn this whole house upside down if it means you and that baby will be happy. Adelaide, you are going to be an amazing mother and I can't wait to see what the future holds for you and your little sweetheart."

"Thank you for being here Grandma. I hope I'm at least half the mother that you are. I can't thank you enough for everything you've sacrificed to give me the life I've had. You are the most amazing person I know, and I can't wait until you meet my baby."

I can see the tears in her eyes, so I get up from my chair and go over to hug her. She pulls away suddenly and runs to the living room. I wait for her to come back into the kitchen and when she does, she's holding a box. The box looks familiar, but I can't exactly put my finger on it.

"I wanted to give this to you. This is the main reason I have all the old pictures out. I was in my closet looking for this. Consider it my first gift to the baby." She hands me the box and I open the top. There's a piece of paper on top of it but when I move it out of the way, I immediately recognize it. It's my baby blanket that Grandma crocheted for me before I was born. It's white and has a little grey elephant in the corner.

"I can't believe you still have this."

"Some things you just keep forever. This was one of those things."