Consider Yourself Lucky

Twenty-Five

It feels like since I found out I was pregnant that all the symptoms flooded in at once. The smell of eggs? Gag. The perfume I wear literally every day? Can't get it away from me fast enough. I never knew pregnancy messed with you so badly. I'm still pretty early but I've been doing some research so I'm not completely clueless on the do's and don'ts of motherhood. I'm thinking of joining some mom groups nearby so I can possibly get some advice. Grandma said sometimes you should stay away from groups like those because they can get mean and nasty over the smallest things. If I thought making friends in general was hard, I wonder how difficult it's going to be trying to make mom friends. I've imagined it a couple times here and there. I'd have a small mom posse that takes mid-morning strolls in the park pushing our babies in strollers while drinking our way too expensive coffee talking about how annoying our husbands get. Except the only flaw with that plan now is that I don't have a husband. I'm sure Collin will be there for whatever we need but I don't think I'll end up marrying him. Marriage is a big step, and I don't want to marry a man that was so comfortable with lying to me.

My appointment is tomorrow morning and I'm feeling excited but anxious at the same time. I text Collin to make sure he remembers the time.

"Still good for tomorrow?" He texts back immediately.

"Cleared my schedule. I wouldn't miss it for the world." The more I see how excited he is about the baby, the more I lean towards allowing him to explain himself about what happened. Cheating is wrong, no matter what anyone says. But he did play such a great game and I'm curious to know what he says to try to excuse himself.

Over the last couple of days, I've slowly been going through everything in our spare room to determine what we're going to donate or just throw in the trash. It's mainly old clothes and shoes along with some extra furniture Grandma wanted to fix up and resell. She used to go thrifting and buy some beat up tables or chairs and touch them up to either give them to her friends for some extra money or find a spot for them in the house. Every now and then she likes to change up how the house looks. I can't say I blame her. I used to rearrange my room around constantly to have that feeling of being a brand-new space. I don't realize how late it is until I look outside and notice how dark the sky has gotten. I must have been up here for hours just going through everything little by little. Of course, I would take a snack break here and there but what pregnant woman doesn't? I've found the only things I don't get really nauseous over is peanut butter on saltine crackers and the little raviolis that come in a can. Although the raviolis give me major heartburn. I decide to stop cleaning for the day and take a shower.

The water in my face feels refreshing. Showers have been my best friend lately. The warm water running down my body helps me relax if I'm feeling nauseous. Nobody told me the drastic changes your body goes through even in the first trimester. Some days I feel like a zombie but some days I feel like I could run a marathon. I finish washing up and wrap my towel around my body. I look at myself in the mirror and as I'm drying myself off, I notice the slightest bump. I know it could just be the bloating, but it amazes me that my body is going to stretch and grow an entire human. Women are absolutely incredible. I grab my phone and take a picture in the mirror, of my hand touching my stomach. Collin would appreciate this.

"Little baby is growing. It could also be bloat but I'm going to go with baby to make myself feel happier." I press send. Suddenly my phone blows up with a bunch of red heart emojis.

"Can't wait for tomorrow." Me neither. I go to bed early in the high hopes that time will go by quicker, and it'll be time for my appointment.

I wake up about five or six times in the middle of the night to pee. I keep water on my nightstand in case I puke or get nauseas but the more water I drink, the more I have to pee. Come on, the baby isn't that big so my bladder shouldn't be too squished yet. I can only imagine when I'm nine months pregnant and I pee every time I cough or sneeze. Won't that be a picnic in the park.

The morning finally arrives, and I've never gotten out of bed so fast in my life. I throw on some leggings and a t-shirt so that I can be comfy. One thing I'm not looking forward to is not being able to fit in my clothes. Pajamas and leggings will be my best friend for the next eight months. It's already nine-thirty so I text Collin to make sure he's awake.

"Are you awake?" He better be.

"Barely even slept, too excited. Want me to pick you up?" I am feeling a bit nauseous so if I have to puke, it might be a good idea if I'm not the one driving.

"Yes, that works."

"Be there in five minutes."

I run downstairs and grab a muffin from the counter. I need at least something in my stomach. The kitchen is empty which means Grandma must still be sleeping. I figured she would be awake since she was just as excited for my appointment than I am. She's been sleeping in a lot later than usual lately, but the chemo takes a toll on her body. If I had the chance to sleep all day I would too.

Collin pulls up five minutes later just as he said he would. I grab a plastic bag from under the sink and bring it with me into the car. When I get in the car, he looks at me with a puzzled look on his face.

"What's the bag for?"

"Just in case I puke. I don't want to get it all over your car."

"I wouldn't mind but that's a smart idea. I'll drive slowly so you don't get carsick."

"I appreciate that." He waits for me to put my seatbelt on and we start the drive to our baby's first appointment.