Aperture

Chapter 8

I sit on the bench and think about all that could happen and feel the panic build. I stare at my shoes and the toe nails I forgot to paint earlier today. I stare at the brick undertaken. Taking note of every spec of dirt on them and in the cracks. I feel Bridge sitting by me but I can't really move. I hate it when I do this. I just feel motionless when I start panicking. He has seen a few of these and knows to just wait and maybe just hold me hand. I lean back and look up to the stars in the open dark sky. Some flicker. Some are small, others are large. I take a deep breath and stand up. Breaking myself of the pain in my heart.

"We will make it." I say trying to convince myself. " We will call all the time and there is facetime. I have trips coming up that will occupy my time. I will do everything I can to go see you. You can visit here when you can. We will make it."

He grabs my hand and stands by me. " Absolutely We will make it." I share a shaky smile with him and feel a tear escape my burning eyes.

" I am so sorry." I say hoping he understands. "I am so happy for you. I really so badly want this for you." I grip his shirt in my hands. "But all I am thinking right now is that you're not going to come back to me. Things will change and you won't want me anymore."

" That won't happen." he said cupping my cheek " What if I get on the road and you don't want me anymore?"

" Exactly" i say

" Ouch, that hurt a little bit." he admits

" You know what I mean. You go on the road we drift and this strong connection is gone. I just..." I will try to explain. He drops his hands to his side and takes a step back. " Bridge"

" It's ok love. However before we throw our fears around and I start searching for a drink I have a huge,massive day tomorrow and today has been an amazing day for us both. I am going to go home. I think we both need a minute." he kisses my forehead and whispers " I love you goodnight love."

I watch as he walks away, not looking back at me. I feel so stupid. I feel horrible making it sound like we mean nothing to each other. I don't blame him for leaving. I know he will be amazing but he is gorgeous and I know there are more beautiful girls out there. I know things could change. He might not want me around anymore being the wet sock that I am. I am just a photographer from a small city. I am not anything special. I sit back down on the bench and hear my phone ding again.

Pulling out my phone I see three messages. One from Aaron asking me if I was okay. Another from Astrid saying a breakdown of what I made tonight and then another from Bridge saying Please don't give up on us so easily...I love you more than you are willing to admit right now. Is that what he thinks that I am giving up? I hope not. I'm just trying to wrap my head around what could happen. No one stays for me. No one loves me enough to be around forever. No one needs me as much as I need them. I see Aaron open the door and walk to me in her pants suit and heels. I look up at her and he holds a hand out for me.

" Let's get a burger." she suggests " In your beautiful dress. You need grease and some ears to listen to your problem."

We walk in silence and make it to the diner on the corner. They make great burgers and are usually packed but it's late enough now that everyone is gone. I sit at the outdoor table and wait for her to show up with our food and drinks. I watch the couples walk by and think people do long distance all the time and last. It's easier now. When my parents were going through it. It was much harder. Aaron sets the baskets in front of me and or drinks. She doesn't even wait to sit, just takes a huge bite and then sits down.

" Ok a burger for your thoughts hun." she tells me

" They are getting signed and are going on the road for six months being the starter band for another one." I blurted out and took a big bite of pickles and ketchup on an angus burger with a pretzel roll. I close my eyes and sit back in my chair. Waiting for her to talk.