Aperture

Chapter 14

Ronnie

I feel the light on my skin as the sun rises over the buildings. I close my eyes and soak it in trying to make the pain go away. I need to find the joys in the world to get better if I can't have who I want. I have to find a fill in. It won't be the same or soon but I can't be alone forever. Eventually life has to change. Eventually Aaron and River will move in together. Eventually I will need to figure life out. I just don't want to. I want him. I want that life.

I lay there still soaking in the gold from the sun rising when I heard the door open. Aaron walks out holding a cup of coffee for me and she sits at my feet.

" How are you doing?" she says

" I lost the love of my life officially. How do I look?" I laugh trying to find the humor in the situation I created the second I gave him space.

" Hun, I really want to talk to you. For real. I need you to talk to me okay?" she pleads " Don't shut me out and get depressed like before because we barely survived that. You were not as great an actress as you think you were. Your not broke yet but damn you really need to fix this."

" I know" I say, playing with the frayed stitch on the couch cushion. She grabs my hand and looks at me. As a tear flows down my cheek. " I know." I feel my breath catch and another tear falls. " I... know."

" I am proud of you for going to see him. However I think maybe it backfired." she says " You're more depressed now than before. '' However I am so glad to be rid of Fred, he was such a wet blanket."

"Hey I had to do something. I was so lonely I thought it would work but it just made me miss him more. Every touch made me cringe and every kiss was...well hard." i admit out loud finally. " That felt good to admit."

" I bet," she says with a smile. " I watched you walk around her like you were not really living, just existing for almost a year. Out of all the years being with you here I have never wanted to slap you so much to get you out of this funk."

" He kissed me." I say

" Who Fred I know." she says looking at our view.

" No Bridge." I say drinking my coffee." He kissed me and we almost went too far. In fact I think I left my bra there."

" What?" she looks at me shocked

" It felt amazing to feel his lips on me. The feel of his fingertips on my skins was like being electrocuted knowing belongs to someone else." I admit closing my eyes again.

" How?" she asks

" Well we admitted we loved each other and it just happened and Elena wasn't home so we just got lost in it. But then he stopped and told me he couldn't. He told me he bought her a ring." I told her.

" That bitch. Not really because she is really nice. I can't hate her for loving him. He is a catch." she shrugged." That you thought back, remember."

" Aaron! He wasn't supposed to come back and not call me or show up and say I am home for good. Let's be together now. I waited. I knew he needed to be on the road but I don't like that distance. I don't like not being with him. I don't like that the calls become our only connection. We start to resent the calls and the need to be together. He didn't like the road either. I didn't think it would last six months. Let alone a year. '' i blurt out

"Oh my god it's about time." she says " Keep going!"

" He was supposed to come home. Say I get why you left. I decided the life we dreamed up together is worth not staying on the road. " i tell her

She smiles at me for a while and then takes my cup, setting it on the table. She takes my hands in hers . " Doesn't that feel better to say out loud? After all this time we all thought something happened. We thought you guys had not talked about the argument. River has tried to talk to Bridge so many times and go nowhere. You locked me out the second he left here to go on tour. It's good to have you back."

" Yes it is." We hear a deep voice say from the door. We look over and see River standing with his arms crossed watching us. " Now I don't know what happened but Elena is coming home here early. Bridge won't speak to me these days and well I figured the biggest break i have had to try to fix with him was you." He said pointing to me. " He is broken again young lady and I don't think I can fix this one. He sent me a new song this morning. It is good but it's hard to listen to because it's like he is cutting his heart out and handing it to the listener so I won't play it for you. The second I heard it I knew he saw you or talked to you. Then Aaron didn't answer my call this morning or last night so I knew. It's you. It's always been you Ronnie. He loves you with everything he has. Would you just fix this? Go back to him."

" I wish it was that simple." I told him.