Aperture

Chapter 12

Over a year since they met.

The trees were the color red. Not a normal red but a deep shade of red, almost brown. I stared at them at my feet. I thought back on every word that we said to each other. I play every bit of body language and gazes between each other. Every kiss he gave me. I see the mud on my black boots. Then I lay back and look at the trees. Just as the sun shines through what is left of the leaves on the trees. I lay there listening to Bridge's band's new album. I find myself listening to their songs a lot more these days. I miss him everyday but It is getting easier. I try not to get stuck in it. In the past. This year was the best and worst year of my life and I needed to be happy again. Aaron was getting really concerned. Then when I got back without Jesse and he just disappeared. She thought he tried something. I had to tell her it was me that messed that up.

I still kept up on the band the best I could. It was just getting harder as time went on. I had just watched an interview with him and his new girlfriend. I can still feel the pain in my chest when I see her photo. She looks nothing like me with black short hair and no tattoos. I hated the smile he had on his face when the interviewer asked him questions. It made me physically ill. I was upset because she could do what I couldn't. I waited for him and he never came. Aaron met her when she saw River. I don't know how she does it. She only sees him a few hours a month and she is okay with it. She says she loves him and I understood her for that. I listened to the new song about a lost love. I start it over and listen to the words again and I realize it's about me. He did it again. It's their new big hit. Again about me. I think at least. I hold his necklace he gave me. I tried to send it back to him many times but I just couldn't get myself to. If I can't have him I will have a piece of him.

I pack up all my stuff and make my way home. It's now fall and yet rainy and I was enjoying it. I think about where I was just a year ago. I was happy and in love. Now I am with someone new and I am happy. I don't love him as deeply as I did Bridge but I learned to love him. I tried to be happy alone. I got too lonely and Fred owns the bakery I like to go to sometimes. We met one day and it just worked. We made each other laugh. I liked how he was devoted to me. We went on four dates before he told me he loved me. Knowing I wasn't there yet I avoided saying it back. Yet scared to not say it back. We were starting to get serious and he asked me to move in with him a month ago.

There I was on his couch wondering when I could go home and he asked so out of the blue. I was so shocked. However I just couldn't move. I don't want to leave Aaron. She is my best friend and I love my apartment. It was too soon and I just couldn't do it. We have been together six months and I feel like it has flown. Not i n the fun way in the way that I feel I forget I have a boyfriend. I know I should be with him. I should be honest. I should say Fred I am still in love with my Ex. But I am so scared to be alone again. I always say I will talk to him when I see him next and now it's six months and I am stuck in the comfort of it.

I got home and opened the door. I see Aaron and she looks scared. She turns back and keeps doing the dishes. Like I didn't just see her. She turns again and looks at me then points to the balcony. I set my bag down and walk slowly to the doors.

I see tea lights and tall candles everywhere. There is soft classical music playing in the background and I see Fred, standing looking over the city view. It's just dusk now, almost dark and it is beautiful. He really made it nice. I turn back and look at Aaron and I can tell she is about to cry. She runs down the hall. Fred turns around in a pair of dress slacks and a light blue button up shirt I had bought him for his birthday. He smiles at me and then I panic. I step onto the porch and he walks to me.

" Ronnie." he starts " I know how much you love it on this balcony so i figured this is the best place. I think you know that I am in love with you. I have been sensing our first date. I know you didn't want to move in yet but I am hoping this will help you do so." He takes my hand. " I love you and I want you to be with me forever. I know you went through a hard breakup and I know you want to take things slowly but that isn't me. I want you to be mine. I want a life with you here in the city. I want to build a life with you. I love everything about you and I think you feel the same way."