Aperture

Chapter 16

Bridge

It is now February , Almost exactly 8 months since she left me. I am still on the road though. When I found out that Fred is her new boyfriend. I told River I would wait till spring to leave the tour. He had found out we were going on with another artist headlining and so he signed us up for another six months. I told him I stay on till Spring and then I need to move home. To build a life. He understood and said the road isn't home for an alcoholic. He also told me he wanted me to get help mentally because he knew I was depressed. I followed it up with a good whatever.

I also started seeing someone casually and he knew if I didn't get help I would lose that too. Elena was a one night stand that just distracted me from the day to day band stuff and traveled for work a lot as a buyer which I understood none of. But she was nothing like Ronnie and that was what I needed. If she can move on, so can I. I can start a life without her. It was obnoxiously hard but I had to do it.

After a few months together she said she needed to go to Jaxson for work. Which was awesome because that was close enough to home that I could take along for a couple days and recharge away from the eyes of River. What I didn't know was that River wanted to go home too to see Aaron. I wanted to see the progress on the house. I had hired a company to build the house, which was to buy a plan you like and have it built kind of house so I was happy with that. All I knew for sure was I wanted a four bedroom two bath white cottage with black shutters. The rest was whatever looked good and was cheap. Elena helped pick some things out which was helpful because I had no idea what I was doing. I just wanted it to be livable by spring when I was done.

We flew back all together and then went our separate ways from the loft. I really wanted to see Ronnie but I didn't want to mess up her life. This new guy, according to Aaron, is a loser but makes her live a little. That is all I was hoping for her at this point to just live. I still miss her still every second of every day but with the time that has passed it has gotten a little easier. Plus I had written a song when I saw them that day and it is worth listening to. At least that is what River said. Our manager said its a hit and made us put it on the album we did. Which made my pain of the whole situation worth it. It paid for my house and the life I'm going to live soon.

When I got home the first thing I did was basically leave. I got in the car and drove to the house. It looked great and the floor plan was working. I finalized a few design flaws we had and when the contractor said this will be a great family house when we are done. I felt accomplished. I wanted in that second to call Ronnie and tell her about the progress. But I couldn't. She was no longer a part of this dream. Even though when I lay in bed I still dream of her and I here.

I even did the one thing I hate myself for. I picture her face when Elena and I are doing anything. From making love at night to sitting on the couch. Even when Elena takes a picture of anything. I picture Ronnie. Elena doesn't deserve that. She is honest, sweet and always been there for me. I feel the pain that comes from the what's wrong question. She now just knows if I look lost I am probably thinking of Ronnie. It has started a few arguments. When she told me she loved me I stared at my fingernails for a long time then said, me too. Mainly because I didn't know what else to say and I didnt want to hurt her feelings.

When the Contractor left I sat on the front steps for an hour. then decided. This is it I need to talk to Ronnie I need to tell her goodbye. So I did the one thing I said I would never do again. I called Aaron.

" Aaron, I promise this is the last time I will do this. Is Ronnie home?" I ask her while kicking the small patch on snow of the step.

" Oh Bridge, she isn't home." she said " She's at her gallery open. I was going to go but she told me not to."

"Oh okay nevermind." I say feeling defeated. "Aaron, please dont tell River I called."

" I won't Hun." she says not covering her I feel sorry for you voice.

I looked at the time and it was only six so it just opened. Why didn't she want Aaron there? She gets so nervous. I am confused on why she wouldn't want support. It takes me about two minutes to make up my mind to go. I jump off the steps and to the car. I get back to the city in record timing. Parking the car outside of Ronnie's apartment for River. I make my way with a fast walk, almost a run to the gallery. When I got there there were so many people I couldn't see the door. I look in the window and look for her scanning the room. I see a lot of people in fur coats and high heels. I am not dressed to go inside but if I just wait outside maybe I can get her to talk to me. I look at the bench that has bad memories. I make my way over and sit down. After I waited twenty minutes and the crowd died down I saw her boyfriend Fred walk out in a long trench coat over a suit. He walked in my direction and I figured he knew who I was. I thought he wanted me to leave. Instead he sat next to me.

"Hello, did you go inside?" he asked. I shake my head no "My beautiful amazing crazy girlfriend is the photographer."

"How is it going?" i ask him

" Sold out." she answered quickly " I thought she was going to be broken forever. But she really got over her sad state she was in and did an amazing job."

"I am glad." I say looking at my feet, willing them to just move so I can go home and cry instead of in public.

Especially in front of this guy. The guy who has my boyfriend title. I wanted to say yeah she belongs with me but then I thought of Elena and Ronnie and that isn't far. I listen to his talk about the photos. Wanting to see them for myself but not having the nerve to go inside knowing she is inside.

" The truth is I am going to ask her to marry me. I just wanted her to get through this night so her nerves are gone." he says

" Marry you?" I say feeling the whole in my heart.

" Yeah I bought her a ring the other day. It's beautiful and I asked her to move in with me but she doesn't want to leave her roommate alone. You know how girls can't be. They can't go to the bathroom without another girl." he says laughing standing up. " Good talking to you man" and holds out a hand. I stand and shake his hand. " I didn't catch your name."

" Kelly" I say " Tell her... nevermind. Have a great life. Goodluck."

" Thanks. Have a great night." he says walking back in.

I waited around a while just watching the doors. When I see her come to the door I get lost in her beauty again. She walks out and I stand up and walk away from where she would see me. I don't want to see her like this. I am a mess. Sitting on a bench crying sense that prick walked away. She has a light purple dress on. Its flows in the breeze. She wore her hair up with her hair pin. She doesn't have her coat on yet. Its drapped on her arm. I can see the stem come off her warm body in the cold air. I watch her take a few steps from the door out of eye shot. She puts the hair pin out and I watch as her hair falls. My heart skips remembering everytime I watch this amazing woman do that. She tucks the pin in her dress and then I hear her start crying. I see the panic attack start up. She leans against the brick wall and puts a hand to her chest. I could run over there and help her but I don't think going from one attack to another would be worth it. I just so desperately want to touch her. Smell her taste her. I see her take out a white fabric square and wipe her face. Her breathing slows and I then she kneels down on her knees. She take a minute and I hear her start talking outloud to the sky.

I don't want to miss him anymore. Please make this pain go away. I need to be happy again. Please!

" Ronnie?" I heard Fred say. I watch Ronnie stand up and clean herself up and walk out and greet him. " You okay?"

" Yeah I'll be okay. Just the excitement got to me."she lied to him. as they walk away.

For the whole trip being home I thought of that moment and how much I still craved her and she still wanted me and didn't want me in the same breath. So on the last night of our trip I asked Elena to move there with me. If Ronnie does not want me I will move on and make plans without her officially. From the second I asked her I regretted it. Yet if I am going to move on and start a life without Ronnie. Elena is a good alternitic.