Aperture

Chapter 13

Bridge

It's now September, almost exactly three months since she left me while I am standing on stage. Almost exactly a month since I held her in my arms in that Florida restaurant dance floor and watched that sad pathetic Jesse try to make his move.

She doesn't know that I watched all of it. I watched her go to the water. I watched him get angry with the waiter when he called him names for her running out. Then stopping to pay him quickly. I watched him yell at her while she cried. The tears I made her shed. I watched it all not wanting to make it worse. Mainly because I knew if I stepped in I would probably throw a punch and she would hate him. I don't want that rage back.

Instead I stand there on the sidewalk watching clenching my fists. I was mad at her for leaving me. I was even more angry because I was mad at her. I didn't want to be. I knew from the beginning it could happen. Why would I be made the love of my life when she was crystal clear in the beginning. She wants someone who is with her. She doesn't like the distance. I get that but does she not love me? Why does she not want to talk to me? Is she just going to move on?

Am I not enough anymore? I want to know these things but I can't ask her. I can't ask that when she doesn't want to see me. I got the picture when she ignored my calls. Even trying to go through Aaron was denied. Aaron felt horrible. I could tell. Every time she told me she was in bed sleeping I could feel the pain in her words.

September is pretty chilling this year and I have a week off to go home and take a break. If we were still together I would have been with her every second. I lay in my bed at the loft staring at the ceiling fan spin. I take note of the dust I need to take off the blades. I can smell something in the air that smells musty but I have no energy right now to even search for it. I had just opened the windows before forming the Bridge sized shape in my bed.

I can hear all the guys letting out their energy and getting things moved around. After the time on the road with them I want my space. Plus they are all in a good mood and I don't want to bring that down. Instead I grab my flannel jacket from my hook and head out the door. While on the road when I needed to be alone I went for walks. Getting lost in my thoughts is hard because I always end up with the same thought. Ronnie.

I walk down to my cafe and slide into my booth. The waitress has changed but nothing else. The same cooks, the same regulars and the same smell in the air. Coffee and fries. I order a cup of coffee and look out the big picture window. There are so many people out today. I can see the fall colors come out and the layers. I go onto my phone and text my sponsor Troy.

After people watching for awhile I see Troy's face show up in the window. His smile was huge and he had gained a few gray hairs and pounds. I always liked his casual way of just living. He told me once if its something I have to think twice about I don't buy it. When he was drinking he used to impulse buy things and he got in debts pretty bad. When he hit his bottom his wife had left him and took their kids. Then he starting going to meetings. They just got back together a year ago. After five years apart. I can't imagine being away from Ronnie that long.

" Hey Rockstar!" Troy says walking in the door. He turns to the waitress and with a smile he said." Can I get a coffee over there please sweetheart?"

I get up and give him a hug. He looks at me over and we sit down. I resume my fidgeting with my spoon. The waitress drops off his coffee and pours me another one. I return her smile as she looks me over. Probably wondered what Troy meant by rock star.

"How have you been?" he asks, taking a sip.

" Do you want the honest answer or the cover up?" I tell him

"Honest always." he says, getting ready for my mess.

" Ronnie left me." I say in a low voice. " I am a bit depressed, sad ,angry and lonely."

" Wow, why she leave?" he asked

" She didn't actually tell me but I think I know. She doesn't like not seeing me." I will explain.

" Makes sense from what you told me about her before." he takes another sip.

" I had to see her though and I went to Florida and saw her for a minute." The shame sets in and the pain of that night.

" Well you love her right?" he says and I shake my head yes. " Well I haven't seen her or met her but if it's meant to be man she will come around or you guys can talk and figure it out."

" I don't know." i say messing with the spoon again " She wont answer my calls and I don't want to be that person that just shows up all the time. If she doesn't want me I feel I should stay away."

" Oh so you don't love her?" he says with a raised eyebrow. "I once sat outside the steps to talk to my wife for two seconds. Love makes you do stupid shit."

I look out the window and just like magic I see the most beautiful woman in the world turn the corner. Her long hair was breaded and she had light brown cotton overalls on with a white shirt and that flannel jacket she loved to wear. She had her headphones on and her backpack. The fast that today was not a day she could go to the big studio probably meant she was going for a walk to take photos or even the parks. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I feel the magnet like electricity I feel when I am near here. I just want to touch her. To kiss her again.

" I am so sorry but I have to go!" I say to Troy while slapping a ten on the table and running out after her.

I walk on the other side of the road watching her take her walk. It wasn't a fast walk today so she was out for enjoyment. I know she won't admit it but this is her therapy. I walk her, lift her camera from her neck and take a photo of someone. She smiles that gorgeous smile and keeps walking. I just watch her movements and she starts to dance a little bit to whatever song is playing in her ears. Which makes me laugh and yet it's a needle to my heart that aches to be with her dancing and laughing. She seems to be doing amazing. Has she forgotten me so fast? Doesn't she miss me at all?.

She makes her way to the park and lays out her blanket. I just make sure I am far enough away that she can't see me. I sat against a tree with my book I had rolled up in my back pocket to make sure if she looked my way I had a cover. I get lost in my head watching her take her photos. Then she lays back on her blanket. She lays there for a while.

" Do you like that book?" I hear someone say. I look around and I see River standing looking at me. I look down at my book and then back up at Ronnie. " Go talk to her. Aaron said she would be here so I figured you might be too. I however didn't realize it would be a stalker situation."

" I can't River. She won't talk to me." I say as he sits next to me. " I would rather watch her be happy than talk to her and see her sad. We aren't here long. I can't do that to her again."

" I have never seen you love someone like you love her." he says " Hell I have never seen anyone love someone like you love that woman. But its slowly killing you to be away from her. Even though you think I don't see it. I can tell your not happy on the road."

" River, I love the band." I say

" Yeah you might but you love her more." he says pointing to Ronnie laying on her blanket reading a book.

" I really do." I know he's right.

"When we get to the end of this six month tour I will find someone to take over for you and instead you can be home with her and write us songs. Would you be happy with that? You can finally build a house with the money you are making from the road that I know you are saving." he picked a few blades of grass and threw them. " Sounds like a plan?"

" I like that plan. I just wish I had her to get me through that time. I miss her River." i admit

" I know and she misses you too. Aaron said she snot as happy as she lets people see. She hasn't talked to anyone in weeks. She just does her photos and editing, sleeps and eats and disappears to the park." he explains

" That kills me more." I say

" It wont when you show up and fight to get her back either now or later." he says standing up. He holds out a hand and I get up to go with him. I look back and see her one last time. She sat up and twisted her long beautiful hair into a bun. God I love that woman no matter the distance.