Writes of Courage

Chapter 2: The Role of Men in Society

Hot on the heels on the topic of womanhood, I saw it fitting to slide in my piece of the conversation about the man. Though in a slightly different context, it carries equal significance for me. As a woman, to exist in a world where it's easy for men to reduce women to nothing, I felt it important to express my concerns and extend my opinion.

I have personally had the privilege of growing up surrounded by remarkable men, who loved and respected women – and still do, in fact, I'll forever be daddy's little girl. I grew up glorifying men because I saw them as a force, a shield for protection and my first encounter with how a woman should be loved and treated by a man. Going anywhere with my old man was my favorite thing ever because I knew that no harm would fall on me with him there, holding my hand. It's a great feeling knowing that you can just be a bird, be free without having to look over your shoulder. Of course, I was still a kid, I was bound to be a bird. Even when he wasn't around, like when I was at school, I still felt safe because I knew that if anyone were to impose any kind of harm on me he would be there first thing tomorrow to straighten out anyone who thought they could mess with me. It was awesome. I can only imagine how unfair it must feel to grow up without knowing how it feels to have a man that loves you so much that you feel like all is right with the world, whether he is physically present or not. I am saying that it is unfair because we all deserve a father's love. Something about it that is just simply beautifully pure.

The world has changed drastically. Sometimes it feels like I blinked and everything had suddenly turned upside down. The bitter reality of it though is that it has always been this way, the spotlight just keeps being shun brighter and brighter on it. There have always been men who inflicted bone-chilling brutality on women and children. Now we're speaking louder, boldly and fiercely about it as a result of how much it all continues to intensify and how the world is rapidly evolving. In the past we were oppressed by fear and stereotypes, of how it was a woman's fault that she was abused or that it was embarrassing to air your dirty laundry for people to see. Even when you could see that death was knocking at your door, or that your children could wake up tomorrow without their mother, you were still expected to keep quiet, hide your pain and scars, make excuses and pretend that it was okay – fulfill your role as a wife. Today we're reading an entirely different script.

I live every day in fear that I might not get to see today's sunset or tomorrow's sunrise. I am scared that I might never see my family ever again. I am scared that I might not get the opportunity to fulfill my dreams or even see any of the females in my life alive again. These are the terrifying thoughts I carry with me, that have the potential of becoming a reality at any given point. From the same place of fear and trauma, may I ask? Men, what ever happened to assuming your roles as our protectors, let alone having a conscience?

We have long moved from the point of asking ourselves 'what did I do to deserve the pain you have inflicted on me', because the problem is not with the victim. From where I am standing, there are a number of reasons why men harm women. I don't mean to digress, I simply can't help but want to talk about this as the thought of it burns my chest. The purpose of this particular chapter is to talk about the role of men in society, which I will get into, but I just want to dive out of topic for a moment.

Again, the way I see it, either a man is psychologically unwell, deceived or just deliberately hurting women out of pure cruelty. It is making no excuse for a man to say that their traumas are the key instigator of why they are hurting women. Undeniably, life is a choice. There are men who grew up seeing women being victimized and vowed to never harm a woman in their lives. Then we find those who have suffered the same fate, however, still proceed to abuse women. I am in no way making an excuse for those that could've dealt with the pain and trauma but chose not to, and used that as an excuse themselves to look like the victim. I want to address the matter of those that became so damaged that they hurt women and the people around them unintentionally. We shouldn't look at it from a single-sided perspective and paint them all with the same brush. Whether we like it or not, we live and walk amongst them in every waking moment. It is a problem that needs addressing.