Drunken Love

Chapter Twenty-three

Twenty-three

I groan unable to sleep for the third night in a row because my shoulder feels as stiff as board-which is very uncomfortable-and Matt having to work late into the night again doesn't help either. I get up from the bed grabbing my glasses and pet Bear when he raises his head to look at me. I slip on a chunky sweater I like to wear as a robe and slowly make my way downstairs to turn on the kitchen lights and go to fill my kettle with water then place it on the stove leaning against the counter as I wait to hear the hiss. My eyes immediately go to the shoebox that is still sitting on the island from the night Diana brought it to me.

I haven't been able to make myself open it because I don't want to ruin some of the perfect memories I have of my mom but at the same time the box could bring back memories that I have long since forgotten. I sigh and turn my eyes away from the box to grab a mug from the cupboard as well as one of my tea bags that I like when I'm stressed dropping it in the mug. I open a drawer to grab a spoon then find honey in another cupboard and once the kettle starts to hiss I fill the mug stirring a spoonful of honey into my tea. I push a hand through my hair and take a careful sip of the hot drink as I turn to look at the box again reaching to pick it up.

"Just get it over with." I whisper to myself and walk through to the living room walking around the couch to sit my mug on tray that sit on the couch ottoman footstool. I turn on a lamp nearby before I sit down to hold the box in my lap and look down at it my hands trembling as I flip the top open. My eyes are immediately drawn to the slightly yellowing envelope that sits on top of the stuff and I can't help but smile at my mom's curly handwriting that wrote my name along the front of the envelope. I take a deep breath and my hands tremble as I slip open the sealed envelope to pull out a letter written on three pages of notebook paper with the date at the top.

My Dearest Victoria, 5/23/1998

I am writing this as you sleep peacefully in your bed after your first recital and I want you to know how proud I am of you. Even at just five years old, I can tell that you will be a very determined young woman and once you find something you love to do, you will not give it up. I am counting on that, sweetie. One day you will learn how cruel the world really is but know that I will be here to always help you in any way I can. You can come to me any time day or night and know that I will listen to everything you say with an open heart.

I have always wanted to be a mother ever since I was a teenager and we did the home economics project where you take home a fake baby to care for. You should know something about our family; you have three siblings that you have never met or known about. Two brothers that I lost before you were even born and a sister that I lost last year. Your dad and I decided not to tell you about her because we knew you would ask hundreds of questions that we did not have the answers to. I am very sorry to tell you that my doctors have said that I should not try again so, we will not be expanding our family anymore. It breaks my heart that you will not get to run around with your siblings but one day we will all see them again.

I understand that one day I will no longer be around to help braid your hair or comfort you when you've had a bad dream but I will always been in your heart. I suppose that is why I am writing this to you so you understand that things will be okay when I am gone. I know that it will be hard and even harder for your father to accept but things will eventually turn out okay. I cannot imagine when I will be gone, I hope it is a long time from now and I get to see you grow up into a beautiful woman.

When I imagine you growing up it makes me feel sad but also excited to see youlearn how to put on makeup, get all dressed up for your first date, go to your prom, fall in love with someone, have you first broken heart-that won't exactly be fun but it's part of life. I cannot wait to watch you proudly graduate high school, go to a fantastic college, find the man of your dreams, be engaged to said man and I will be so excited for you. When you marry him, I want you and he both to know that love is never easy, it is full of difficulties that will test the strength of your relationship every day.