BEING JAMIE BAKER

Chapter 7

 I cried all the way home from school that day. I'm not proud of that, but I'm not ashamed of it either. I mean, how many people have to worry not about being who they are, but just being in general. Being Jamie Baker is a lot of responsibility that I never asked for. It's also responsibility that I wasn't prepared for, don't want, and shouldn't have to deal with. Especially not alone.

I cried because it wasn't fair that I had to reject Ryan. Turning him down was the responsible thing to do. It just sucked. I didn't want to, and I shouldn't have to when all the other kids my age are busy hooking up.

But at the same time, a nonexistent social life isn't the end of the world. I was definitely being a little dramatic, but I think I chose to dwell on Ryan more than I needed to in order to forget about all the other reasons I was crying.

I pulled it together when I got home, though, because I didn't want to have to explain everything to my mom. I'd managed to calm myself and stop the tears, but the minute I walked in the door, my mom knew something was up. She took one look at me and rushed over like a good mom should. She wrapped her arms around me, and I yelped when she squeezed me because even though I'd walked away from the accident, I think I may have jammed my shoulder and bruised myself from head to toe.

"What's the matter? Are you okay?"

"There was an accident," I mumbled, unable to keep it from her, "and I tried to stop it."

I couldn't tell if she was upset with me or not, but she was definitely overwhelmed by the news. I hoped she wasn't angry with me, but I wasn't too concerned about her. Dad would be worse. She simply started with the standard "Are you hurt?"

"Depends on your definition of the word."

"Was anyone else hurt?"

"No, but they would have been."

After I filled her in on the details, my mom sat quietly for a moment, then forced a smile. "Well. I'm very proud of you, honey."

"Yeah but, Mom, I was smashed by a giant marquee, only I left the dents in it!"

My mom hugged me again, a new wave of fear taking her over. "Jamie, your father and I have talked with you about this."

"I know."

"Sweetheart, you are an extraordinary young woman, but you're not Superwoman. We don't really know how your powers work. What if you'd gotten hurt?"

"But what was I supposed to do? That man would have died. Was I just supposed to watch it happen, knowing I could have helped?"

"It's not your responsibility to save people. If God wants them he'll take them."

"Then why didn't he take me?" I exploded.

I jumped back, putting some distance between us before I could hurt her. I felt bad for losing control, but I wasn't yelling at her, I was just yelling, and I think she knew that. Aside from Derek, if there's any other subject that could cause a citywide power outage, it's God. Considering I'd already fried the circuits once this week, I took a deep breath, but I couldn't help asking, "Didn't he want me?"

I know that sounds like a really juvenile question, but you try being in my shoes for a while and see how much you really know the answer.

"Of course he does."

"Then how come instead of letting me go to heaven like everyone else, he left me behind and turned me into some kind of freak?"

"You're not a freak, Jamie. You're just different. You can still have a no—"

"I can't have a normal life, Mom! I can't go to things like dances and football games like everyone else, because I'm too busy trying not to listen to every conversation around me. I can't have close friends because I'm too worried about what lie I'll have to tell them if they ask me a question I can't answer. And dating is out of the question! I can't even kiss a boy without turning him into the Energizer bunny!"

Okay, so maybe I was a little more upset about the Ryan issue than the whole I'm-not-a-Jamie-pancake-right-now issue, because the lights flickered again after mentioning the kiss that started all my trouble. My mom's not a fool either. She didn't waste a second figuring it out. "Is that what all of this really about? Ryan?"

"I kissed him."

Oops, that one got away from me.

I don't know what bothered me more, the fact that my mom was so shocked I kissed a boy that she nearly fell off the couch, or that she was so excited about it she squeaked, "You did?"

Not wanting to have to go into any details about the relationship Ryan and I didn't have, I decided to get right to the point. "It did something to him."

"What do you mean it did something? What happened?"

"I don't know, Mom. What happens to the lights when I get mad? Why do the fish get pulled across the tank when I walk past them?"

I knew my mom hated it when she didn't have all the answers, and I didn't expect her to, but I still wished she had more than just a sigh for me right then. Her sigh was an exasperated one, and I felt bad for upsetting her, so I dialed back the sarcasm and tried to explain as best I could. "I kissed Ryan, and it charged him up like a freaking Duracell."

"Was he all right?"

Was Ryan all right? I actually managed to smirk at that one. "If I hurt him at all, he didn't seem to mind."

"Thank heavens!"

I wished I could feel as relieved about that as my mom did. "I got lucky," I said grimly, "but the other night I was so nervous that I zapped him pretty good when he tried to touch me."

Just thinking about that wonderful moment brought my tears back. "He keeps asking me out," I said, sniffling, "and the last thing I want to do is hurt him, but how else do I make him stop? I said some awful things to him today. I'm always going to have to be alone."

"No you won't," my mom insisted. "We'll talk to your dad when he gets home. I'm sure he'll have some ideas to get this all worked out."

Oh, he did all right. My father was full of answers when I told him the story that evening. He's always been the more practical of my parents, leaving the romantic notions of happy endings and trustworthy people to my mom. After drilling me for every single detail about the accident, and asking over and over again if I thought Ryan knew I was really involved, he came to the conclusion that I was never to interfere like that again.

He wasn't angry with me any more than I was mad at Ryan, but he was most definitely putting his foot down when it came to pretending I'm Wonder Woman, and honestly, that was more than fine with me. This accident was my first, and I would happily make it my last attempt to save the day.

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