BEING JAMIE BAKER

Chapter 17

The next day the tension at school was thick. It was the first day that Ryan and Mike were back from their suspensions, and the entire student body, myself included, was anxious to see what would happen.

While I sat in my car, trying to pick out Ryan's voice among the chaotic chatter of the school, his truck slid into the empty parking spot next to me. I was listening so hard that I didn't realize he was there until he tapped on my window. The sound echoed in my ears and sufficiently startled me to stop my heart for a single beat.

"You going to stay in there all day?" Ryan asked through the glass.

I actually had been contemplating skipping school, but Ryan would have just followed me and gotten in trouble. With a sigh, I heaved myself out of the car. "What do you want?" I asked as I began heading toward the school.

Ryan flashed me a killer smile. "I want to walk my girlfriend to class. Is that a crime?"

"Considering I'm not your girlfriend, so what you're doing could be considered stalking? Yes. As a matter of fact, it is a crime."

Ryan smiled, ignoring my jibe completely, and fell into step at my side. We walked in silence for a minute. Then, as we headed up the front steps, I began to hear the whispers of the students on campus. I stopped walking, stunned by what I was hearing. What people were saying. Not just people, but Mike. I stood there unable to do anything but listen in shock until Ryan broke me from my trance. "Jamie? What's wrong?"

"It's Mike." My voice was a faint whisper, and I wasn't able to get the full story out.

"Don't worry about Mike. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"No, you don't understand."

"Jamie, I don't care about Mike," Ryan interrupted firmly, and suddenly slipped his hand into mine, lacing our fingers together. If it didn't feel so good to have it there, I would have zapped him.

I made a pathetic attempt to pull my hand free, but Ryan defiantly tightened his grip. "You're going to have to fry me if you want me to let go."

I looked down at my hand in his, and really, I didn't want to let go any more than I wanted to hurt him, but I didn't have much of a choice. "Ryan, this"—I pulled our interlocked hands up to nearly eye level—"really isn't a good idea. Not today. Not now."

"What do you mean?"

"The gossip since you and Mike were suspended has been out of control."

"Oh yeah?" Ryan tried to keep his tone joking, but it was impossible to hide the strain entirely. "Everyone think I went crazy or something?"

"Don't worry. They aren't blaming you."

"They're blaming Mike?"

I wish. "Oh, no. Most people are siding with Mike. They're just not blaming you."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Sure it does. I mean, it's not your fault that the ice queen has brainwashed you."

It made perfect sense to me, but Ryan was stunned by the news. He stopped walking and gazed at me with a tortured expression. "People are blaming you for my fight with Mike?"

"Not to my face." I shrugged with a hint of a smile, but Ryan didn't think it was funny. I sighed again. I didn't want him to feel guilty on my behalf. "It's fine. Really. I honestly don't care if people hate me."

"People don't hate you. They're just surprised. They'll come around. Even Mike, you'll see. He's my best friend. I'm sure he got it all out of his system when he punched me."

"You think so?"

"Of course."

I hated to be the bearer of bad news, but he was going to find out soon enough. Better he heard it from me. "Ryan, Mike found out about my accident. He told the whole school about it."

"What?" It came out in a half gasp, half growl. "How did he find out?"

"The

whole story is just a Google search away. I guess Carter showing up made him curious. He seems to be going with the leading tabloid theory—that I caused the accident on purpose because Derek dumped me. Paige is practically staging an intervention to get you away from me. She said she was going to petition to have me kicked out of school."

Ryan's face looked a little green, and it took him probably a good thirty seconds before he was even able to speak. "Jamie, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," I said, but that didn't make him feel any better. "Look, it doesn't matter, okay? You don't care about my past, and that's all that matters to me. I don't care about the rest of them. But the problem is you do, and I don't want you losing your friends because of me."

Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but the warning bell went off before he could. I squeezed his hand and then pulled my fingers from his. "Let's just get through today before you go ruffling any more feathers with this whole girlfriend nonsense."

"But—"

"Go to class, Ryan."

"I'll see you at lunch," he promised stubbornly, but then walked away from me.

I hurried to my first class, and even the teacher fell into an awkward hush when I walked in. I kept my eyes on my desk, but I could feel the stares of everyone in the room. I tried to not let them bother me, but I couldn't manage it. Thanks to Ryan, I wasn't the ice queen anymore. I was just Jamie Baker again, and Jamie Baker had feelings. Jamie Baker was vulnerable. She was scared and weak. Broken. And everyone could tell.

That was the worst day I'd had since I came to Rocklin High. It rivaled the days at my old school after Derek died. The comments made were a little harsher, and the glares burned a little hotter. Maybe it was because of my extreme sensitivity to the topic being discussed, or maybe it was due to my guilt because this time they were right. I really was dangerous for Ryan, and I really did kill my last boyfriend. They had a right to be worried about Ryan.

I felt sick by the time lunch rolled around. I sat in my usual spot and picked at my food. I had no intention of eating it, but it gave me something to focus on other than the friction in the room. Everyone seemed a little on edge, but when Ryan found his way into the cafeteria it went silent. You could hear a pin drop even if you didn't have my hearing.